Tag Archives: Yeeeesh

So John Mayer REALLY likes to masturbate. FYI.

JOHN! Stop that!

I know 20 year old “boys” who are more mature emotionally than 32-year old John Mayer.  AND they’re musicians, so that’s not John’s excuse for being waaay to “very” (his word).  I’m assuming “very” means that he can just blab ultra-personal crap all over the internet, Playboy Magazine, Rolling Stone and to the TMZ paps.  ForpitySAKE John–NO BOUNDARIES should be the name of your new album.  Yeeeeesh.   Take a gander, y’all:

via Playboy.com

On Jennifer Aniston:
We just have a regard for each other’s feelings that is pretty intense. It’s been a deep relationship, and it’s no longer taking place at all. Have you ever loved somebody, loved her completely, but had to end the relationship for life reasons? One of the most significant differences between us was that I was tweeting. There was a rumor that I had been dumped because I was tweeting too much. That wasn’t it, but that was a big difference. The brunt of her success came before TMZ and Twitter. I think she’s still hoping it goes back to 1998. She saw my involvement in technology as courting distraction. And I always said, “These are the new rules.” I’ll always be sorry that it didn’t last. In some ways I wish I could be with her. But I can’t change the fact that I need to be 32.

On his 2006-07 relationship with Jessica Simpson:

That girl, for me, is a drug. And drugs aren’t good for you if you do lots of them. Yeah, that girl is like crack cocaine to me… Sexually it was crazy. That’s all I’ll say. It was like napalm, sexual napalm. There are people in the world who have the power to change our values. Have you ever been with a girl who made you want to quit the rest of your life? Did you ever say, “I want to quit my life and just fuckin’ snort you? If you charged me $10,000 to fuck you, I would start selling all my shit just to keep fucking you.
PLAYBOY: Masturbation for you is as good as sex?

MAYER: Absolutely, because during sex, I’m just going to run a filmstrip. I’m still masturbating. That’s what you do when you’re 30, 31, 32. This is my problem now: Rather than meet somebody new, I would rather go home and replay the amazing experiences I’ve already had.

PLAYBOY: You’d rather jerk off to an ex-girlfriend than meet someone new?

MAYER: Yeah. What that explains is that I’m more comfortable in my imagination than I am in actual human discovery. The best days of my life are when I’ve dreamed about a sexual encounter with someone I’ve already been with. When that happens, I cannot lay off myself.”

Oh, there’s more.  John said he’d “eat his f*cking shoe”  if Jen knew how to download a song on the computer, because she’s clearly still living in 1998.  (Okay, that was funny. But still.)

Like I mentioned in an earlier post, Stephen and I have tickets to see John Mayer in the spring.  I’ll need to bathe in boiling bleach afterward, obviously.