Tag Archives: The Immortals

Today’s Guest Reviewer, David E. Discusses – ‘The Immortals’


Review by: David E.

Before I dive into my review of this movie I have to say that as a parent of 2 small children (6 and 2) I was DISGUSTED with the number of underage children (about 7 yeas of age) who were in the theater watching this movie.  And I don’t mean teenagers; I mean preteens years (between 9 and 12 I’d guess), but little kids presumably there with parents/guardians.   WTF!  I don’t care if you can’t get a sitter!  And I don’t care if  junior does sit around and pop caps into fools at close range on Call of Duty all day when he’s not setting things on fire and getting D’s in math so it’s “okay” if he tags along.  No responsible adult parent or otherwise should be bringing young children to this movie!  And with that off my chest, here’s why:



King Hyperion (Mickey Rourke) has declared war against humanity and the Gods.  Amassing a bloodthirsty army, Hyperion has scorched Greece in search of the legendary Epirus Bow, a weapon of unimaginable power.  With this bow Hyperion can unleash the Titans, God like figures who have been imprisoned deep within the walls of Mount Tartarus since the dawn of time and thirst for revenge after being sent there by Zeus.  In the Hyperion’s hands, the bow would rain destruction upon mankind and with the Titans released he could destroy the Gods that allowed his family so suffer and die.  As a show of Zeus’s faith in mankind to make right decisions the Gods are forbidden to intervene in human affairs and are thus powerless to stop Hyperion…until a peasant secretly chosen by Zeus named Theseus (Henry Cavill) joins the fight against King Hyperion.


So, let me ask you this: do you like fake CGI blood?  Well if you do you’re in luck because this movie is drenched in it.  Seriously, anything that can be cut, sliced, stabbed, gouged, ripped, chopped, stomped, burned, or crushed (and by crushed I mean as in some dudes junk with a mallet the size of Rhode Island) is and no editing is done to spare you the graphic nature of it all.  Mickey Rourke does a great job as the villain and when he’s on screen you just know that someone is going to get hurt and hurt badly.  Henry Cavill certainly looks the part of the hero here and his acting is decent but doesn’t match Rourke’s.

However, here’s where this movie disappoints me.  What about the Gods?  While mankind teeters on the brink of all-out war a debate takes place on Mount Olympus in just one scene between the Gods as why they should or should not intervene.  Just one scene??   I wanted more of that debate brought out.  Luke Evans explains to us as Zeus that he believes in free will so it means not saving our asses when we screw up.  But what about people who are innocent victims of violence and didn’t deserve to die?  King Hyperion brings up this question, Theseus brings up this question, but we as an audience never get an answer from the Gods on the matter.  The story would have benefited from taking out a few beheadings and instead giving more time to the free will vs. divine guidance debate.  That being said, the Gods as fighters are effing AWESOME.  The movie makes you wait till the end for it but I’d say watching them do battle with the Titans is worth the wait especially since I saw this in 3D.

Overall I can say that if you liked 300 then you’ll like Immortals although it’s not nearly as good.  Immortals gives you tons of special effects, fights, and gore– (oh and throw in a few seconds of Freida Pinto’s breasts and ass yippeee!) one or two clichéd rah rah speeches but little or no depth in terms of its story or the worthy themes it touches on.

Guest Reviewer, David E.