I have a gotdamn headache already without looking at those heavy-ass braids, y’all. I can barely put my mess into a ponytail without getting a migraine, but sometimes I need the “My Ponytail’s Too Tight Face-Lift“ that’s MY trademark, so don’t EVEN. You know what I’m talking about though, don’t you.. Pretty sure I need a Lifestyle Lift, but I REALLY want a LaJolla Lift.
Anyway. I STILL don’t know if Jay-Z was in attendance at that particular wedding that sullied ALL of Paris and especially Florence, but I do know Queen Bey stayed HOME and spent 5 days (maybe?) in a chair getting them braids attached to her melon.
But come ON. We all know who owns the Long Braids Game. Jane Child, circa 1989. (Also? I’m OLD.)
Excuse me while I dance in front of a wall and pound on it with my fists. It’s my signature move.