It’s being widely reported that JLo is in talks with the folks at FOX and American Idol as to whether or not she’s staying or leaving (what else does she have to do? People are paying to see Enrique Iglesias–not her as the opening act, forpitysake), but it looks like Steven Tyler is the one we should’ve been watching.
“After some long … hard … thoughts … I’ve decided it’s time for me to let go of my mistress ‘American Idol’ before she boils my rabbit,” Tyler said in a statement on Thursday. “I strayed from my first love, Aerosmith, and I’m back –- but instead of begging on my hands and knees, I’ve got two fists in the air and I’m kicking the door open with my band.
I have such an identity with this band. We’ve done a bunch of things. We certainly have been writing. I have a bunch of songs I’ve written for solo and/or Aerosmith,” Tyler said. “What you hear in the press about ‘American Idol’ getting in the way of the band just isn’t true. There’s no validity to it.”
First, let me say “UGH!!”in response to Tyler’s gross junior high “long…hard” double-entendre statement above. Seriously, dude? Gross. Secondly, I don’t care that he’s leaving. Do you?
On Wednesday, the team hit Austin, Texas to find the next American Idol. Did they? Probably not, but that didn’t stop the wannabes from showing up to audition.
At the beginning of the episode an “apology” was issued for Steven’s behavior last week. It was weird, unnecessary, and maybe it was just an excuse to show Steven cursing again. At this point, Tyler is my favorite judge. Even though Randy has been there from the beginning, he simply just doesn’t seem to care anymore. There was also an appearance from JLo’s hubby, Marc Anthony. Meh. So let’s get to the auditions!
Darling Corey Levoy, who I’ll probably forget about when Hollywood Week starts, came in with his “J.Lo Booty” and sang Bonnie Raitt’s “I Can’t Make You Love Me.” I wasn’t prepared for all of the country songs, even though it is Texas. Then came little Hollie Cavanaugh all the way from Liverpool, England. Her rendition of “At Last” was odd and even after Randy said NO, they let her through anyways after she sang Miley Cyrus‘s “The Climb.” Yeah, I’m sure she was really feeling the song, but I felt weird watching her struggle through her tears to finish it.
One of the few standouts from Austin was John Wayne Schulz. Yes, that’s his real name, and yes, he’s a cowboy. Oh, and apparently he almost got nominated for a Grammy when he was like 13. If the Idol producers can overlook that, well then so can we. He’s one of the few eye candy contestants we have, so let’s hope he does well.
I don’t know any grown women, let alone any 17-year old GIRLS who find Ryan Seacrest attractive, so I think someone paid Courtney Penry to show up and act a fool over him. Or maybe she promised some people she would be on her best behavior if they let her out for the day. After an embarrassing chicken impression, she sang Sugarland’s “Stay” which actually wasn’t that bad. If only she wasn’t crazy.
Now let me get these two out of the way. I’ve never gotten why people do double auditions, like the ex-couple from last week, and the two brothers that I’ll get to later. It’s about you, not your corny, possibly fake, relationship. So, cut to Jacqueline Dunford and her 19-year old “boyfriend” Nick Fink came in and made me glad I wasn’t dating anyone. Okay, maybe they are really dating, because they might be the only two who could stand each other. Some guy (I didn’t catch his name!) got through singing Soundgarden’s “Rusty Cage.” I’m sure DivaJulia would appreciate that.
The last audition came from 19-year old Casey Abrams. I like it when they save the good ones for last because it doesn’t make me feel like punching the TV. While talking to a cameraman, who informed him that he looks like (a) Fraggle Rock, I thought oh this is going to suck, but was pleasantly surprised. Definitely one to watch for too.
Thursday night’s show in Los Angeles made me wonder about that title of “Entertainment Capitol of The World.” Tim Halperin, who I just barely remember did a decent version of Maroon 5’s “She Will Be Loved.” I think he got through because of his flirting with Lopez.
One standout was Karen Rodriguez who auditioned via MySpace and got the chance to travel to L.A. to sing for the judges. This was the second time Karen got to meet La Lopez, she previously sang for her on TRL. There was a belly dancer, for some reason, and the Gutierrez brothers. Both cute and obnoxious, but only one will survive. I think the older brother, Marc will be the one to make it to the Top 20. Aaron will be left to cry into one of his fabulous scarfs.
Now let’s talk about the crazies. I think it’s safe to say that anyone that carries around their own microphone is more than a little off. Tynisha Roches‘s tribute to Frank Sinatra probably made him do flips in his grave. I give props to her for letting her eyebrows go past her eye. Owwww!
Matt “Big Stats” Frankel tried to wow the judges with his nonexistent client list, which he claimed included Chaka Khan. The funniest thing was that Randy sort of believed him for a minute. I love delusional people, they’re my favorite kind of crazy. The show ended with Cooper Robinson from Arkansas. He was a real person. That happened, and they kept letting it happen! The 59-year old “sang” some James Brown song, it could have been every James Brown song ever made for all I know. After he expressed his desire to take Universal Studios and talked about the long dangerous road to his house, he left and continued dancing outside the judges room. Oh America, I love you.
The L.A. auditions were incredibly disappointing. The San Francisco auditions next week look promising, but this is shaping up to be the blandest American Idol season ever. Then Hollywood Week starts. Lives will be ruined, tears will be shed. I can’t wait!
Bonus: We got to see Jenny’s “block” when she tried to make her escape from Cooper Robinson.
I wasn’t prepared to like this season so much but I do. After a rocky start in NYC and New Jersey, the new judges finally seem to be comfortable in their positions. Wednesday’s auditions took place in Milwaukee, home of Idol alum Danny Gokey. Here we got 16 year Scotty McCreery whose voice makes him sound almost twice his age. Instead of theme weeks this year, they’re going to let the contestants pick the songs that best suit their style and voice. Looking forward to hearing lots of Country ballads from him. Another great male singer was Jerome Bell who uses his talents singing at bar mitzvahs and weddings. He’s the only really cute guy we’ve gotten so far, unless they’re saving all the hotties for last. I need someone to root for!
The standout girls were little 15 year old Thia Megia who auditioned with Adele’s “Chasing Pavement.” I thought she was good, not great, and I can already tell (if the judges know who she is) that they’ll be comparing her to Charice. Then there was the White House intern Molly DeWolf Swensen. Not only was she gorgeous, but girl could saaang. Definitely one to root for along with Naima Adedapo who was one of the sob stories from Wisconsin. The joke audition came from a Civil war re-enactor who came with his hippie dad. “Hippies believe in sex,” just so you know. And this is what has and will always bother me about Idol. In case you didn’t know, most of the thousands of people that come to audition NEVER get to meet the judges. They sing for the producers first, then if they make it through go on to Steven, Jennifer and Randy. So out of all the people who probably had decent voices, they let people who show up in costumes and sound terrible go on TV and makes fools out of themselves. I know, I know, “it’s not that serious, Brittani”.
Thursday night in Nashville saw possibly the most awkward audition from exes Rob Bolin and Chelsee Oaks. The judges asked the pair to sing a duet first, while Chelsee’s new boyfriend waited outside. “Sometimes the deepest passion comes from friction,” Steven Tyler said. “I saw how in love you were.” Stop it, Steven! They did have a nice Sugarland quality to their singing, both had great voices and if they make it to the Top 20 you know they’ll make it a point to keep mentioning their past relationship. Then there was former Miss Teen USA Stormi Henley, who was pretty. That’s it.
The first sob story came from Adrienne Beasley whose story revolved around her being adopted by her white parents. How adorable was it when her dad asked, “who’s gonna pay your way?” Her cover of Lady Antebellum’s “Wild Honey” was just too good, and I hope the competition isn’t too much for her. She rides on hay bales for Pete’s sake!
As much as I loathe him when it comes to red carpet coverage, I do like Ryan’s interactions with the families of the people auditioning. After Jackie Wilson kissed her much older boyfriend, Ryan thought it was her dad and implied it was incest. Never change, Seacrest. There was good old country boy Matt Dillard, whose family has helped over 700 special needs foster children. The judges didn’t seem to like him that much, but he got through. Once again, if Simon was around those would have been some stronger nos.
Even though he auditioned in Milwaukee, I decided to save this for last. 26 year old Chris Medina shared his story of the love of his life, Juliana. Two months before their wedding, she was in an accident that that left her with a traumatic brain injury. Although they never married, he still cares for her along with her mother. “I was about to make vows just two months from the accident – through thick and thin, ’til death do us part, for better or worse,” he said. “What kind of guy would I be if I walked out when she needed me the most?” Tears. So many tears! He auditioned with The Script’s ” Breakeven” and it was obvious that the judges were more interested with his story. He was good, not great (I’m going to be saying that a lot this season), but a man who sticks by his SHOULD-be wife after a life-changing accidents trumps having an average voice. He’ll be getting a lot of sympathy votes.
Oh, and how funny was it when Jennifer introduced herself to Juliana? “Hi, I’m Jennifer Lopez!”…never change, Jenny.