Now listen. I’ve done you all a giant favor by not completely wigging out every gotdamb day about David Bowie’s new album, due out in March. We’ve established years ago that I’m a 7th grade girl on occasion (shut up!), but I need to cry into my Bowie-plastered locker about something right now.
**To be read in a high-pitched, whiny 13 year-old girl tone of voice**
Apparently some other blogger wrote about Mr. Bowie the other day. I KNOW, right? Seriously? I sprayed that part of the lawn already and it’s MY TERRITORY. Oh, I won’t mention the name of the blog, but GOD! She was all mushy about her “love” of Bowie “for years” and, well… just shut UP. She even had the nerve to dwell upon one of the new songs on the upcoming album, The Next Day, titled Dirty Boys. Bitch? That is MINE. Back UP.
[Interview with Tony Visconti, Bowie’s long-time producer]
Are the non-rockers more mellow? What’s their vibe?
They’re more funky, mid-tempo songs. Very evocative. “Dirty Boys,” the second song on the album, is very sleazy.
Sleazy in what sense?
It’s dark and it’s sexy. There’s a fantastic sax solo. You know, David plays baritone sax, but he invited his friend Steve Elson to do the baritone on this album. I think Steve was in the Saturday Night Live band. He’s a little guy, and he’s got a huge baritone sax, and he plays this dirty solo in it that sounds like stripper music from the 1950s. Old bump-and-grind stripper music . . . It wouldn’t be out of place on Young Americans.
“Dark and sleazy song”? Oh, it’s already been broughtin’! That is MY neighborhood.
Girl, I will meet your poseur ass out by the soccer field after 6th period Basic Math class. We will have a strategic Bowie-Off, and I will win, then I will ride off on my Huffy bike.
Hands OFF my David Bowie.