Tag Archives: So Don’t EVEN

Happy Birthday, Mr. President…Happy 51st Birthday, To (breathy) You!

Obama. Barack Obama.

Listen, I fully realize that I should be a bit more refined and have some couth when it comes to discussing President Barack Obama, I really do.  Sadly though, I’m still a Tiger Beat-reading 7th grade girl at heart and get all giggly over the POTUS. I can’t help myself.  I want to know what his favorite food is (Michelle’s Shrimp Linguini!) and all of the other ridiculous bits of trivia about Mr. Handsome President.  And so do you, so don’t even.

See? Left-handed Light Saber action!!

• He is left-handed – the sixth post-war president to be left-handed

• He has read every Harry Potter book

• He owns a set of red boxing gloves autographed by Muhammad Ali

• He worked in a Baskin-Robbins ice cream shop as a teenager and now can’t stand ice cream

• His favorite snacks are chocolate-peanut protein bars

• He ate dog meat, snake meat, and roasted grasshopper while living in Indonesia

• He can speak Spanish

• While on the campaign trail he refused to watch CNN and had sports channels on instead

• His favorite drink is black forest berry iced tea

Oh dear! (1980)

• He promised Michelle he would quit smoking before running for president – he didn’t!

Oh, that crinkly-eyed smiled gets me EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

• He looks pretty gosh-darned fantastic in a tuxedo!

If you’re on Twitter like we are (follow us at @dippedincream), there is a hilarious trending topic right now called #ObamaBirthdayPartyGames.  I’m embarrassed to say a lot of them have made me snort out loud.  Here are a few examples:

#ObamaBirthdayPartyGames Pin The Fail On The Donkey

Dodge The Question Ball #ObamaBirthdayPartyGames

#ObamaBirthdayPartyGames Red Rover, Red Rover, hand your constitutional rights right over.

#ObamaBirthdayPartyGames Spin the unemployment numbers

#ObamaBirthdayPartyGames Duck-Duck-Cooked Goose

Strip America Bare Poker #ObamaBirthdayPartyGames

#ObamaBirthdayPartyGames Spin the Bottle With the Fawning Lame Stream Media

See?  I’m actually realistic sometimes.  Now I have to post my favorite video again…I just close my eyes and pretend he’s cooing those soothing words to me, while I cry over the economy sitch.

Awwww  c’mon, Baby…

‘Girl With the Dragon Tattoo’ Official Trailer

Counting. The. DAYS.

Okay. Y’all ready for this? Fincher. Mara. Craig. Sands. Plummer, and REZNOR??

However, this trailer still gives me chills…in the best way possibly.

And yes, to all of the snoots out there, I’ve seen the Swedish version of “The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo”. If you haven’t noticed, I am fully capable of READING SUB-TITLES, so just don’t EVEN.  Simply because a film is originally foreign-made, does not necessarily make it better.

The Swedish film was not nearly violent enough–particularly during Lisbeth’s “revenge” scene. It fell flat, in my opinion.  I’m counting on my beloved David Fincher to satisfy my lust for woman on man violent payback in spades.  I need more lengthy and extreme close-ups of Lisbeth with her tattoo gun, and other weapons of choice. The Swedish version of this particular scene was a complete mediocre let-down. Unsatisfying.  Am I coming in clear?

I’m counting on an  Oscar sweep. Ya hear me talkin’ to ya,  Academy Members? I do not like being let down.

Sarah Jessica Parker in ‘I Don’t Know How She Does It’ – I’ll Tell You How, My Friends

Oh, for eff's sake.

Allow me to set the tone here. I’m hungry, thus I have a headache. It’s gorgeous outside and I should be outside freckling tanning my blubber without sunscreen.

Now this.  And by “this” I mean the Official Horse Trailer to Sarah Jessica Parker’s idiotic new film, “I Don’t Know How She Does It”.  (In case anyone is concerned–and I know you aren’t–I do have a bucket of slimy, hay-filled water from the County Fair barn to douse my hair that is once again on fire, thankyouverymuch.)

Watch this lame piece of crap, won’t you?

Okay. Now.  I have ONE. SINGLE. WORD that smacked me in the face while watching this whiny, privileged, married and living in a crazy-expensive home in New York City while wearing crazy-expensive clothing working mother of two:  NANNY.  The End. Seriously. End of GOTdamn story.

"The Sarah" - by Manolo Blahnik

I swear, if I have to see that mare struggling to dress herself and cram her hoof into a shoe while looking oh, so darling and disheveled (it’s all the rage, you know), I will pull an Elvis and shoot my GOTdamn Magnavox television set that is sitting on top of my worshin’ machine.

The very idea of this film is stale and insulting to women who HAVE to work for a low to average wage, living in a crappy apartment, bills up her bum,  perhaps raising those precious children without a husband at all, and a…don’t make me say it again–NANNY.  Now there’s the real question!  How does SHE do it??  But that wouldn’t make for an interesting movie, now would it?

Oh, believe me, I get that a movie is supposed to be a form of escapism, so don’t EVEN.  That’s why I lean toward thrillers featuring ballet and black birds and anything starring Paul Rudd or Anthony Hopkins.  I’ll take a funny-smart dude or a crazy-sexy older psychopath ANY day over this drivel.


So.  Just how does SJP “do it” exactly?  I know you’re still wondering, so I did a little research all in the name of…I don’t know what.

The Horse Beauty Kit, complete with shampoo, spray-on mane de-tangler and toothbrushes!

Don’t forget the accessories!

Who says you can't wear florals in Autumn?

Clearly…the equine-set have an awful lot to teach us how they “do it”, don’t they?