Tag Archives: Shout Out

True Blood Recap, ‘Save Yourself’


Another season of True Blood has ended, and while I wasn’t expecting much from this finale I was pleasantly surprised by how much it didn’t suck. Pun intended. All of the story lines, well most of them, came together nicely and set up what I’m sure will be another “epic” battle next season. So, what happened with Sookie and the gang?

Alcide and the Wolfpack

Father/Son bonding time was interrupted by Martha bringing a V-trippin’ Rikki to Jackson’s trailer. J.D. forced her and others to drink vamp blood and Alcide is having none of it. As they try to detox Rikki with a little silver, Jackson tells Alcide that the only way he’ll be able to beat J.D. is if he plays by his rules, so he gives his son some special V. Al reluctantly takes it, and beats J.D. to a pulp before snapping his neck. The other wolves bow down to him as by killing the pack leader he becomes the new one. With J.D. gone, he’s going to make some changes, which means no more V. But Alcide still has a good deal of the very strong stuff that his dad gave him in his system, and he saw how hard it was for Debbie to kick the habit even on the low grade stuff. I think he’ll be a good pack leader, but he’ll have a hard habit t break next season.

Andy, the Faeries and Multiples at Merlotte’s

Sookie and the faeries didn’t have to put up much of a fight against Russell. Still drunk off that one elder’s blood, he takes their attacks like tickles. Eric swoops in stakes him, finally doing something he should have done the season before. Since Sam has been away, Lafayette has taken it upon himself to make Cajun Margaritas and play good music on the jukebox. Him, Holly and Arlene get tipsy with their one lone customer when Andy comes in with a still pregnant Maurella. He wants to tell Holly that he cheated with Maurella when they first started sleeping together, which hurts Holly who is then forced to deliver not one but four of Andy’s half faerie kids. Laffy, Arlene and their drunk customer watch in delight as Maurella gives birth to quads with a glass shattering scream and then gets up like nothing happened. Andy is happy to be a dad, and now he’ll have to raise him on his own. Maurella leaves the four babies in his care, although apparently only two of them are needed to survive into adulthood because of some stupid faerie law. These people are the absolute worst.

Sam and Luna

Still trapped in the Authority, naked, Sam volunteered to have himself be Bill’s breakfast. When he enters his chambers he tries to plead with him to let him, Luna and Emma go but Bill being the ass that he is opts to have him killed instead because Sam knows too much. While yelling at the guards for bringing him a shifter, Sam turns back into a fly and gets away. He goes back to Luna where they concoct a plan for her to turn into Steve Newlin to try to escape with Emma. It almost works until Luna realizes that she can’t open the elevator with her blood, then Rosalyn stops “Steve” because he has to give a live interview about the tape of him and Russell killing the frat bros. As the interview starts, Luna as Steve starts to cough up blood then she shifts back into herself and lets the world know what the Authority is up to. Rosalyn panics and gets ready to kill Luna when Sam flies into her mouth and kills her from the inside when he shifts back into his human form. Whew, well it was a fitting ending for Rosalyn, but it could mean trouble for Luna who passes out  from exhaustion. And will the real Steve Newlin please stand up!

The rest of the episode revolved around Eric, Sookie and the others going back to the Authority to save Jessica and Pam, and to try to get Bill to come to his senses. Jason was knocked out pretty hard and is now being followed around and talked to by his parents. They tell him that they’re proud of him for protecting Sookie from the vamps, and that he should kill as many as possible. Earlier when Eric killed Russell, Nora had tried to taste Sookie, smelling her blood. Eric urged her not to, but that didn’t stop Nora from looking at her like filet mignon while at their house. Eric asks Sook to help get Bill out of the Authority and Tara tells her that she owes Pam. Sookie is more than ready to go, but Jason refuses until his dad tells him it will give him the chance to kill more vamps. On the way they stop by the Stake House store to load up on wooden bullets and Jason tells Sookie that he can’t trust vamps anymore, but she can believe whatever she wants. They arrive at the Authority with Eric and Nora in the car, and Tara, Jason and Sook tied up in the back. Meanwhile, Bill confessed to Salome that he killed Kibwe for drinking Lilith’s blood and that she came to him and said that Salome was the chosen one.

Once inside the building, Jason offs the receptionist Chelsea and takes down a couple of the guards. Eric and Nora head upstairs, while Sookie and Tara go down to the cells to free Pam and Jessica. After Nora overrides the security system she set up, Pam and Tara embrace in a passionate kiss. Sookie is a little shocked, but Jessica knew what was up. She is also excited to see Jason again, but he tells her that he can never love a vampire. Salome decides her next step is to finally drink the rest of Lilith’s blood. Bill pretends to be worried about what it could do to her but watches as she downs it anyways. Not soon after, she starts to vomit blood and he tells her that he poisoned it with silver. Angry that he tainted the blood of their Christ with silver, he reveals that he kept Lilith’s blood for himself and that he knew she would drink the blood without smelling it because she’s impatient. Before meeting her true death, she tells Bill that Lilith chose wisely and he then he stakes her. Eric and Sookie enter to stop him from drinking Lilith’s blood, but again being the ass that he is he drinks it anyways and convulses into he bursts. Sookie cries in Eric’s arms, thinking that Bill is gone forever but Eric notices the pool of his blood moving as Bill rises the same way Lilith did and bares his fangs.

So.  Bill is the new Lilith, which means he’ll be even more of a troll, because again he is an ASS. Andy, and possibly Sam, will be a single dad, and at least Alcide has a new pack. I hope that Tara will reunite with Sookie and Lafayette so they can all be cute and fabulous with Pam and Jessica, but that might be way too much to ask.

We never did resolve that whole Warlow thing, and Steve Newlin is still at large which could prove to be a bit of a problem, at least for a fang hating Jason next season. This was also Alan Ball‘s last season as showrunner. You can check out his sort of farewell here.

I have to give a shout out to our friend @ONETOKENBLACK who had one of the more hilarious tweets about the show last night. I’ve said since at least the second season that Beel was giving me Trent Reznor vibes.

Until next season, Suckers!

Britney Spears RETURNS – “Hold It Against Me”, y’all!

Babygirl is BACK, y'all.

Kanye who? Ms. Britney Spears rules the world, and what I would like y’all to do is go to my FAVORITE hooker’s blog, PoorBritney.com.  There is no way on this Candies-colored earth that I could even begin to write about the preciousness of Brit-Brit and her gigantic world domination.Seriously, y’all?  Just trot on over there and take a peek-a-loo.  This is a BIG day for Babygirl and Memaw!!

(Oh, and for those of y’all who haven’t seen the little gif up there? Have you EVER seen anything more hilarious? THOSE. FEET.)