Tag Archives: Self-Indulgent A-Holes

2014 SAG Awards: Winners And Cringe-Inducers Unite

Goddess Lupita
The Goddess Lupita

Let’s just get this out of the way right now: LUPITA NYONG’O WINS EVERYTHING THIS AWARDS SEASON. She’s what we call Total Package Overload ’round these parts, and that simply means that Lupita has perfected the fine art of sheer elegance and majesty with her ability be show how a  talented, highly intelligent, gracious and bloody gorgeous young woman can present herself.  This Gucci gown? I gasped, then I fainted. Oh hello, Academy Award! Yes, I’m calling it NOW.

Let’s get to the cringe-fest now, shall we? Three words: “ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT.”

I’d like to  mention that while I’m pleased (I guess?) that Matthew McConaughey won the SAG Award for Best Actor, that speech of his was over-indulgent and far too long…and I THANK  Cate Blanchett from the bottom of my heart for side-eyeing that verbal vom-fest, as well as telling the ticking speech clock to fuck off for trying to shove her offstage. No. And HELL NO.


“I’ve been away from the film industry for a long time making theater … 29 seconds?! Matthew McConaughey spoke about Neptune and I think I can have five seconds,”

HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAAAAA! Seriously. Dead laughing for so many reasons. Sure, we know the broadcast was on a time limit, but giving Just Keep Livin’ everyone else’s allotted speech acceptance time is just not cool, man.


Oh, and All Hail Heisenberg, PoorJesse.com, et al and Vince Gilligan for the Breaking Bad win!

Here’s the entire list of winners for you:

Outstanding performance by a cast in a motion picture



• “12 Years a Slave” 
• “American Hustle” — WINNER 
• “August: Osage County” 
• “Dallas Buyers Club” 
• “Lee Daniels’ The Butler”

Outstanding performance by a male actor in a leading role

• Bruce Dern, “Nebraska” 
• Chiwetel Ejiofor, “12 Years a Slave” 
• Tom Hanks, “Captain Phillips” 
• Matthew McConaughey, “Dallas Buyers Club” — WINNER 
• Forest Whitaker, “Lee Daniels’ The Butler”

Outstanding performance by a female actor in a leading role

• Cate Blanchett, “Blue Jasmine” — WINNER 
• Sandra Bullock, “Gravity” 
• Judi Dench, “Philomena” 
• Meryl Streep, “August: Osage County” 
• Emma Thompson, “Saving Mr. Banks”

Outstanding performance by a male actor in a supporting role

• Barkhad Abdi, “Captain Phillips” 
• Daniel Bruhl, “Rush” 
• Michael Fassbender, “12 Years a Slave” 
• James Gandolfini, “Enough Said” 
• Jared Leto, “Dallas Buyers Club” — WINNER

Outstanding performance by a female actor in a supporting role 
• Jennifer Lawrence, “American Hustle” 
• Lupita Nyong’o, “12 Years a Slave” — WINNER 
• Julia Roberts, “August: Osage County” 
• June Squibb, “Nebraska” 
• Oprah Winfrey, “Lee Daniels’ The Butler”

Television Nominees

Outstanding performance by a male actor in a television movie or miniseries

• Matt Damon, “Behind the Candelabra” 
• Michael Douglas, “Behind the Candelabra” — WINNER 
• Jeremy Irons, “The Hollow Crown” 
• Rob Lowe, “Killing Kennedy” 
• Al Pacino, “Phil Spector”

Outstanding performance by a female actor in a television movie or miniseries

• Angela Bassett, “Betty & Coretta” 
• Helena Bonham Carter, “Burton and Taylor” 
• Holly Hunter, “Top of the Lake” 
• Helen Mirren, “Phil Spector” — WINNER 
• Elisabeth Moss, “Top of the Lake”

Outstanding performance by a male actor in a drama series

• Steve Buscemi, “Boardwalk Empire” 
• Bryan Cranston, “Breaking Bad” — WINNER (SQUEEEEEEEEE!!!)
• Jeff Daniels, “The Newsroom” 
• Peter Dinklage, “Game of Thrones” 
• Kevin Spacey, “House of Cards”

Outstanding performance by a female actor in a drama series

• Claire Danes, “Homeland” 
• Anna Gunn, “Breaking Bad” 
• Jessica Lange, “American Horror Story: Coven” 
• Maggie Smith, “Downton Abbey” — WINNER 
• Kerry Washington, “Scandal”

Outstanding performance by a male actor in a comedy series

• Alec Baldwin, “30 Rock” 
• Jason Bateman, “Arrested Development” 
• Ty Burrell, “Modern Family” — WINNER 
• Don Cheadle, “House of Lies” 
• Jim Parsons, “The Big Bang Theory”

Outstanding performance by a female actor in a comedy series

• Mayim Bialik, “The Big Bang Theory” 
• Julie Bowen, “Modern Family” 
• Edie Falco, “Nurse Jackie” 
• Tina Fey, “30 Rock” 
• Julia Louis-Dreyfus,” Veep” — WINNER

Outstanding performance by an ensemble in a drama series

• “Boardwalk Empire” 
• “Breaking Bad” — WINNER 
• “Downton Abbey” 
• “Game of Thrones” 
• “Homeland”

Outstanding performance by an ensemble in a comedy series

• “30 Rock” 
• “Arrested Development” 
• “The Big Bang Theory” 
• “Modern Family” — WINNER 
• “Veep”

Stunt Ensembles

Outstanding action performance by a stunt ensemble in a motion picture

• “All is Lost” 
• “Fast & Furious 6” 
• “Lone Survivor” — WINNER 
• “Rush”” 
• “The Wolverine”

Outstanding action performance by a stunt ensemble in a comedy or drama series

• “Boardwalk Empire” 
• “Breaking Bad” 
• “Game of Thrones” — WINNER 
• “Homeland” 
• “The Walking Dead”

Life achievement award

Rita Moreno

I watched part of the ceremony live, then went out to dinner with my Silver Fox Husband. We came home and watched the rest on DVR, which was great because I could fast forward through the embarrassing and awkward parts (5/8ths of the broadcast, including the lame-o announcer). It would make me very happy if I never hear an award winner SING part of their acceptance speech, OR pretend they don’t speak English well (SOFIA VERGARA? Enough already!), OR mention Venus and a Russian dude who built a boat.

But yeah. Congrats to the winners.

Arnold Schwarzenegger Puts Career On Hold for Personal Reasons. Oh, okay.

Nice "sad-face", A-Hole.

That photo up there?  You see it?  Yeah, it could be the best piece of acting Arnold has ever done in his career.  It’s the old “I’m sorry I got CAUGHT“-face.  (Unless we count all the times he cheated on Maria, then it’s a toss-up.)

Ack.  My head hurts and the last a-hole I feel like writing about is Arnold Schwarzenegger.  Seriously? He has to make an official announcement that he’s putting his career on hold for awhile?  Huh?  You don’t say! Are you SURE?  I don’t know…it doesn’t add up. (Thank you, Daniel Tosh for that last line.)

All I know is that there is an entire family directly involved in this pile of crap (and a kid who’s in for a lot of unwanted attention, I’ll bet) who are all going to suffer hard for this big goon’s “transgressions”. Yeah, THANKS, Tiger Woods, for that word.  Oddly enough though, having numerous extra-marital affairs and having a kid or three (just wait, you guys…there will be more), doesn’t a “transgression” make.  I’d say it’s a more like a nuclear disaster on the home-front, but that’s just ME.

Thank goodness, our boys at South Park can at least make us smile a little bit. Oh, Matt and Trey.  It’s never “too soon” as far as you’re concerned, is it?

Almost makes me miss the Trainwreck Named Charlie Sheen. Not really.

Tiger Woods Whines About Being a Single Father; New Girlfriend Has Methface


Quit yer cryin', ya puss.

For the love of Pete.  Here’s something I don’t want to read about…much less write about:  How “hard” it is for Tiger Effing Woods to be a single dad.  Really?  Seriously, Tiger?  You get to be Mr. Fun Dad with the aid of nannies, housekeepers, drivers, and chefs.  You seriously have got to be kidding me.  I guess he’s not kidding, though, as he whined to ABC’s Robin Roberts:

via GoodMorningAmerica/PeopleMagazine.com:

“It’s work, there’s no doubt,” the golfer, 35, speaking on ABC’s Good Morning America Thursday, said about single fatherhood. “It’s tough. But it’s enjoyable. That’s the work I love.”

Yeah, I suppose I still have a chip on my shoulder about being a single mom two separate times in my life.  Hearing crap like this just make my blood boil.  I don’t want to generalize, but I will anyway.  Fathers typically are let off the hook in terms of the day-to-day parenting.  (Come to think of it, in my experience it tends to work out that way even IF Dad lives in the house.  But I digress…)  Being a working-single mom was certainly the most challenging thing I have ever done.  Activities; homework; trying to weed out bad-seed friends; the sex talk; the drug talk; the sex AND drug talk AGAIN; doctor’s appointments; being the only one to care for the kids when they’re sick, thus taking time off work (because Lord knows HE wouldn’t take a day off)–then getting written up for it by my employer; never, EVER having enough money; getting the side-eye from teachers for showing up alone to conferences; working horrible hours in retail, all the while trying to create good memories by DOING THINGS with the kids…you get the idea.  I’m not saying one word that we haven’t already heard.

Oh, one more thing:  The mothers are the one Society blames for the kids’ shortcomings, so it’s all my fault.  Not the fathers. NEVER the fathers.  What year is this again?

All it takes is some a-hole like Tiger Woods to bring it all back again.  So, yeah.  Tiger’s having a rough time as a single dad while he whores around with girls who already have a criminal record to match their methface.


Nice DUI mugshot. Who SMILES for the mugshot??

May I introduce you to Alyce Lahti Johnston, 22.  This is who Tiger’s um, dating.  Good for them.

Bitterly Reliving Old Shit? Table for one!

Oh, excuse me…time for dinner.