Tag Archives: Rehab? No No No

Charlie Sheen is going to rehab at HOME.

What's in the bag, Charlie? Photo: Wenn

TMZ reported earlier today that Charlie is attending rehab – in his own home. You have GOT to be kidding me. 

Sources say:

“CBS, Warner Bros. and Charlie put their heads together and found an expert in addiction they think can help Charlie conquer his demons.

The expert and other professionals are coming to Charlie’s gated community in L.A., in no small part for privacy reasons.  Many rehab facilities can be tricky when it comes to patients and others spilling secrets.”

Then we have Charlie’s porn-star friend Kacey Jordan blabbing to any news/entertainment-media outlet who will listen about all the nastiness that went down at Charlie’s.  Take for example how Ms. Jordan described the details of having sex with Charlie Sheen during the “bender” to the folks at E!:

“It was OK,” Jordan tells us. “It didn’t last very long.”

While Jordan was surprised about their “quick” romp, she has a theory why it was so brief.

“Because he was so f–ked up,” she claims. “When you’re that high…his performance wasn’t very long.”

By her count, Mr. Two and a Half Men clocked in at just over two and a half minutes. She alleges he later made some “excuses” for his abbreviated performance.

“It was a three-minute ordeal,” Jordan says of the hookup, which happened right before she left his house. “After sex we just sat in bed and he held on to me. He was sloppy but still functioning, [he] wouldn’t stop kissing my feet. He promised me he’d get me a Bentley.”

Ummm….ewwww.   I’ll wait for y’all to wash your eyes with our special bleach solution.

Kacey Jordan. Photo: GMA/ABC

[Sidebar: I love how a porn star refers to sex with Charlie Sheen as a three-minute ordeal“.  Really?  I’d say that was the easiest $30,000 she’s ever made.]

Yeah. How 'bout that?

Get this:  Charlie won’t even be investigated by the LAPD for bloody anything (including a briefcase full o’ cocaine!) because even though there were a crap-load of witnesses who have spoken to the media about Charlie doing drugs during his 36-hour bender, the L.A. City Fire Department reportedly did not find illegal drugs in the house.  Guests (read: porn stars?) at the party say the drugs were “cleaned up” before the medical team arrived at Charlie’s home.

Yeah.  “Cleaned up” is a relative statement, isn’t it?  Raise your hand if you think anyone had enough time to go through Charlie’s entire house looking for secret stashes of contraband and clean urine.  Anyone?

Yeah.  Good luck with that “at-home rehab“!

Aaron Carter checks into rehab.


You know, I feel sorta bad for Aaron Carter.  He had a tiny career for about a minute, because his big bro Nick Carter was in a huge boy band. I think they were called Backstreet Boys or something.  (I was just called out on that, because I saw BSB twice in concert. Sigh.)

Back to poor Aaron’s sitch.  Is this the first time he’s been to rehab?  Or am I thinking of A.J. from Backstreet Boys–who is ALSO back in the ‘hab.  Whatever.  Here’s the dirt, according to Aaron’s manager

via E!:

“Several months ago Aaron came to me to help him return to music and to restart his career. He has been in Orlando working on a new album and perfecting his live show and his physical body. Aaron, understanding the challenges and hard work it would take to get himself back to the top, requested to take some time before we started to heal some emotional and spiritual issues he was dealing with.

Therefore he has chosen to enter a facility where he feels he will get the guidance and cleansing he needs that will help him on the music journey he’s about to take. He asks that everyone keep him in their prayers and that they respect his privacy at this time.”

Well, now.  I hope Aaron gets the help he needs.  He seemed to be okay during Dancing With the Stars, but that photo above creeps me right out.  Sin-yew-eeee.

Oh, that Charlie Sheen! A Felony?? (Where’s the canned laughter?)

Ha...remember when Charlie pretended to be a normal dude for a minute? Yeah. Me neither.

Guess who’s being charge with felony menacing and misdemeanor mischief. The criminal complaints are expected to be filed as early as Friday morning.

Let’s all think back to a snowy Christmas morning in Aspen, Colorado just a few weeks ago.  Charlie was arrested by Aspen police following a domestic dispute with wife Brooke Mueller, who reportedly checked into a hospital, then a rehabilitation clinic, after the incident.  (We’ve found a new reason to go to rehab: Pneumonia. And, you’re welcome.)  So now Sheen is estranged from his wife under a restraining order, which was temporarily lifted last month to accommodate a hospital visit, and will be reevaluated at his court hearing.

According to TMZ:

“..he is “not expected to enter a plea” regarding the assault charges, but hopes to “relax the protective order prohibiting any contact [with Mueller].”

Here’s the rub:  Charlie’s still the highest paid sitcom actor on television.  Why do I have a feeling this crap will all disappear in a few months–weeks, even?  He’ll do a few interviews, show up on Larry King, maybe.  Eventually, The View, and use that a-hole Mel Gibson’s now infamous words: I’ve done all the necessary mea culpas. Let’s move on.”

And the ratings for Two and a Half Men will continue to stay in the stratosphere.