I love video game expos. I also love things that are sexy. Therefore, the sexiest people and games at each expo are what really appeal to me. Is that shallow? Is that superficial? ABSOLUTELY. But as is usually the case when I’m being shallow and superficial, I don’t care.
The Penny Arcade Expo (a.k.a. PAX) is, in my humble opinion, the most “gamer friendly” of all gaming conventions. Geeks drive, hitchhike, and segway for miles to get to this giant 3-day party, full of long lines, free SWAG, and a lingering smell of B.O. But fear not! That’s not the sexy part!
THE SEXIEST GAMES!
1. Duke Nukem Forever
I can hear you now: “WHAAA?!” Everyone, young and old, knows the name Duke Nukem. Since Duke Nukem 3D released FOURTEEN YEARS AGO, people have been waiting for a sequel. It was like Lady Gaga’s penis: A rumor and a myth that people desperately wanted to exist, but the real deal never surfaced. Well, Gaga still has no penis (AS FAR AS WE KNOW), but Duke Nukem Forever, complete with sexual innuendo, hot girls, and ass kicking, is real and it’s nearly in our grasp. Consider it a sign of the Apocalypse. (Brought to you by the amazing Gearbox Software.)
This isn’t a big title you’ll be hearing about, but Solace is GOR-GEOUS. It’s an independent game created by students from the DigiPen Institute. It’s an “interactive aesthetic experience” – a very simple game of just shooting and dodging bad stuff. The hook is the music. Every time you fire, beautiful music plays, and the levels are based on the 5 stages of grief. Curl up in a quiet room with a blanket and check out the melodic game for free online: http://solacegame.com/
THE SEXIEST COSPLAYERS!
1. Ulala from Space Channel 5
Props to this chick for walking around in those shoes all day. I wore high heels for only two hours before one snapped in half. Fantastic.
2. Resident Evil characters
If you know the games, you’ll know these costumes are fantastic. Pretty jealous of the Jill and Ada outfits, actually. I think I might jack one for Halloween this year.
3. Luigi and Daisy
I included this picture solely for the awesome guy on the left. SEK-SAAAAY.
THE SEXIEST EXPO LOCATION EVER!
I must give a nice shout-out to Seattle for being an awesome location for an expo. The restaurants around downtown, including Sullivan’s Steakhouse, the Taphouse, Morton’s, and the FOX Sports Grill are absolutely delicious. I literally had the best meal of my entire life at Sullivan’s and therefore my life is now meaningless because I will never have a better meal. It’s allllll downhill from here.
And thank you, Seattle, for not raining on the PAX-goers in your usual style. You gave us sunshine and perfect temperatures, and for that, WE THANK YOU!