Tag Archives: Pain in my Left Eye

Charlie Sheen Talks “Winning” and “Crack Lighting”

"You guys are just JEALOUS."

Jaaaaayzus.  This is so unbelievable that I don’t know if I’ll be able to actually hit the “Publish” button. Help. Me.

Charlie. Effing. Sheen.

Apparently Mr. I’m High on Charlie Sheen made the rounds of the morning shows, but that wasn’t nearly enough. You see, Charlie was lit with “Crack Lighting” while each condescending network interviewer was given “Beauty Lighting”, so the folks at TMZ.com scored the TRUE gold interview.

If you’d like to join me in the “cold, steel rod in my eye”-headache, feel free.  Just know you’ll NEVER get this time BACK.


via TMZ.com


Video streaming by Ustream

Part 2

Video streaming by Ustream

WHY did I sit through that? Oh…and how ’bout Charlie passive-aggressively blaming his parents for all his shit WINNING in life by leaving him on the school bus when he was seven years old, thus ending up in the bowels of the downtown Los Angeles County School bus barn.  Don’t you understand? No one came looking for him! He was supposed to be left in Malibu, you guys.

Let that be a gotdamn lesson, Parents.  You are all at risk of raising a Charlie Sheen.  And guess what else? That’s my own experience talking right there.


Paltrow to sing at the Oscars.

I'm not convinced by her so-called abilities....

Take a good look at the photo above.  I’ll wait.  Look at her limp right handPaltrow thinks “learning to play the guitar” means weakly strumming with her floppy thumb.  It was all I could look at during her performance (I use that term loosely, but that’s a given), on the CMTs a few weeks ago.

Ugh. Y’all made me post it, didn’t ya? Look at that cold, droopy hand! Now we’re going to have to sit through this torture a-bloody-gain on Oscar night? I swear to God. She better not receive another undeserved standing ovation.

Not to sound super-crabby (pssssh), but I don’t know who I’m dreading more: Paltrow or Randy-freaking-Newman.

via The Hollywood Reporter:

“Gwyneth Paltrow will perform “Coming Home” from her latest film Country Strong on the 83rd Academy Awards telecast.

Original Song nominee A.R. Rahman and Florence Welch, of Florence + the Machine, will perform “If I Rise” from the film 127 Hours. Rahman is nominated for writing the music (Dido and Rollo Armstrong are also nominated for the song’s lyric).

Alan Menken, who is nominated for writing the music for “I See the Light” from the animated film Tangled, will accompany singers Mandy Moore and Zachary Levi on the piano (Glenn Slater is also nominated for the song’s lyric).

Randy Newman will perform his nominated song “We Belong Together” from the animated film Toy Story 3.”

I need to test the fire extinguisher for use on my hair for Oscar Night on February 27th.

Paltrow singing “Eff You” on “GLEE” – full video; (Ain’t that some sh*t?)


Who would have thought that the two chicks who irritate me The. Most. would be on-screen together? Paltrow and Lea Michele all at one time. Crammed into one hour and crammed into my left eye for a good dose of smug. OhdearLORD, I’m so happy I have MARIA to write about Glee for me, because I just can’t.

I’ll wait while you gather up your tuna on white with mayo, a TAB soda and a twinkie (thank you Navin Johnson), then you can watch Smugyth Blandtrow–I’m copywriting that moniker, so don’t EVEN.

Imma say it again…ain’t that some shit?