Okay, so, this is straight up suspicious. The I’ll-never-need-a-GPS named baby, North West, has now been present on Earth for over a month. Yet, still, we haven’t seen images of her. Oh, and those are random baby feet up there, just so you know. This makes me wonder! Sure, I’m all about new parent/baby privacy; I think that’s extremely important during this adjustment time. I’m just really confused and KNOW I’m not the only one.
We’re talking about a woman, Kim Kardashian, who’s made a business out of splashing her personal details (ew!) on every available magazine, television, billboard, etc. I guess, after a sex tape, nothing is sacred. It’s all about fame and the almighty dollar, even if so much of what she now attains in life is given instead of earned.
So. Why the baby wait? It’s important to note that Kim’s and, by extension, Kris Jenner’s desires aren’t the only elements at play here. One mustn’t forget the ultimate trophy “baby daddy”, Kanye West and what he may want. I know. You can practically envision my eye-rolls, right?
The entire situation is farcical but, I digress. Kanye has a notorious and well-documented hatred for the paparazzi. Given the kind of disrespectful assholes they can sometimes be, I’m not going to judge him for that. *I WILL, however, judge him for thinking it’s okay to assault them on a regular basis. That’s simply poor form all around.*
Along with my other suspicions, I’m thinking Kanye’s paternal need to protect his child, from the exposure he sees as a threat, is what’s taking precedence over any wish Kim has of debuting the tiny diva-in-training. What are my other suspicions for keeping North West under wraps? Well, I have a few.
1) The baby is hideous. Yeah, yeah, I’m going to burn in Hell, wah, wah, wah. WHATEVER. I’m not talking about having an honest to Kanyesus-deformity or something because I would never crack jokes on that. What I’m saying is…what if the baby isn’t cute enough to suit Kim and Kanye? Let’s be real! If ever two more shallow people existed, amirite?! And everyone knows that babies tend to look a little Gremlin-ish for at least a few days after birth; all the compression of the birth canal is my guess. Maybe North West’s Gremlin never went away, leaving the parents scrambling for a cover story! Just a thought.
2) Keep in mind that this one is highly likely: The entire ‘K’ tribe are waiting on the highest media bidder. This child has to be presented at SOME time and it’s better for everyone involved if it’s done in a controlled manner. Knowing said ravenous paps, it would actually be safer to get this over with as quickly as possible. You know, so we can all move on! They’ve already turned down an Australian ‘zine’s $3 million offer which, to me, seemed like a pretty sweet deal. Could be that the couple await enough money to single-handedly offset all the RIDICULOUS changes Kanye has made to their new home. I mean, a golden TOILET, people. How is that necessary?
3) Kris Jenner’s new show is going to be used as a debut stage for the infant and they’re waiting for when it’ll be most effective/beneficial. For instance, in the case of a ratings slump. It would serve the dual purpose of drawing an audience of individuals who wouldn’t normally watch daytime TV, as well as allowing everyone to keep control of what images of the baby are released. I can’t say that I see a problem with this plan, to be honest. If they haven’t thought of this yet, it’ll be somewhat disappointing.
It’s entirely possible that Kanye was NOT kidding around when he said that North would not be “America’s” baby. You have to respect that. Though it begs the question of why the hell he decided a kid with Kim Kardashian was a smart idea in the first place.