Sarah Jessica Parker in ‘I Don’t Know How She Does It’ – I’ll Tell You How, My Friends

Oh, for eff's sake.

Allow me to set the tone here. I’m hungry, thus I have a headache. It’s gorgeous outside and I should be outside freckling tanning my blubber without sunscreen.

Now this.  And by “this” I mean the Official Horse Trailer to Sarah Jessica Parker’s idiotic new film, “I Don’t Know How She Does It”.  (In case anyone is concerned–and I know you aren’t–I do have a bucket of slimy, hay-filled water from the County Fair barn to douse my hair that is once again on fire, thankyouverymuch.)

Watch this lame piece of crap, won’t you?

Okay. Now.  I have ONE. SINGLE. WORD that smacked me in the face while watching this whiny, privileged, married and living in a crazy-expensive home in New York City while wearing crazy-expensive clothing working mother of two:  NANNY.  The End. Seriously. End of GOTdamn story.

"The Sarah" - by Manolo Blahnik

I swear, if I have to see that mare struggling to dress herself and cram her hoof into a shoe while looking oh, so darling and disheveled (it’s all the rage, you know), I will pull an Elvis and shoot my GOTdamn Magnavox television set that is sitting on top of my worshin’ machine.

The very idea of this film is stale and insulting to women who HAVE to work for a low to average wage, living in a crappy apartment, bills up her bum,  perhaps raising those precious children without a husband at all, and a…don’t make me say it again–NANNY.  Now there’s the real question!  How does SHE do it??  But that wouldn’t make for an interesting movie, now would it?

Oh, believe me, I get that a movie is supposed to be a form of escapism, so don’t EVEN.  That’s why I lean toward thrillers featuring ballet and black birds and anything starring Paul Rudd or Anthony Hopkins.  I’ll take a funny-smart dude or a crazy-sexy older psychopath ANY day over this drivel.


So.  Just how does SJP “do it” exactly?  I know you’re still wondering, so I did a little research all in the name of…I don’t know what.

The Horse Beauty Kit, complete with shampoo, spray-on mane de-tangler and toothbrushes!

Don’t forget the accessories!

Who says you can't wear florals in Autumn?

Clearly…the equine-set have an awful lot to teach us how they “do it”, don’t they?