Oh, thank the LORT. Hallelujer. I don’t have to release my pitbull grip I have on the hot mess that was JLo shoving her fat ass (COUGHIShouldTalkCOUGH) into Every. GeeDee. Photo. at the BAFTA Gala held last week in Los Angeles when William and Kate were in town. This is all KINDS of juicy, but first let me get this off my chest:
I just cannot LET. IT. GO. I’ve waited a week…and I still just can’t. CAN’T. WON’T. REFUSE TO! That gotdamn dress. What the gotdamnHELL was Hugh Jass wearing during the BAFTA GALA last Saturday night? I’ll tell you exactly what is was: A Size Jumbo (I should know) Sausage Casing made special for her meaty ass by Emilio Pucci at the slaughterhouse in the scary part of town.
Okay. Now. Here’s where it gets GOOOOD.
People Magazine is blabbing something rather delicious (which is shocking for their usual suck-up-ness). Get a load of what Mary-Louise Parker had to say about
Hugh Jass JLo:
“I didn’t meet them. I was shoved out of the way by Jennifer Lopez. Uh oh, I shouldn’t have said that.”
OhhhhhGYAAAAHthatwasawesome. (All one word.) What she really meant was what Clairee from my beloved Steel Magnolias said about that big-assed wedding guest at Shelby’s weddin’:
“Looks like two pigs wrestlin’ under a blanket.”
Daaaaaang. Never underestimate the power of a sharp-tongued white chick who was shoved outta the way of meeting the Royals. Just sayin’.