I am telling y’all right now…I will not watch this speeding trainwreck of a show with all of Whitney Houston’s family members and hangers-on go at each other over what (relatively) precious little money left in her estate. It’s sickening to watch, and I don’t need another stomach ache. “HELL to the NO“…RIP Whitney. Feel free to watch this cringe-worthy trailer for The Houstons – On Our Own.
Let’s recap what we’re dealing with here:
Bobby Brown and Whitney’s daughter, Bobbi Kristina will announce her engagement to Nick Gordon, who was raised by Whitney as her own son–and Bobbi Kristina’s own brother. Still with me?
Whitney’s mama Cissy doesn’t want Bobbi Kristina to receive her trust inheritance of $20 million because she thinks all that money will eventually kill her granddaughter through drugs and other bad decisions.
I’ll give you an example of one bad decision: The concept and follow-through of a reality series involving a woman who hasn’t even been dead one year, and the family that goes out of their way to exploit her and her legacy.
‘X Factor‘ has a weird way of bringing out the delusional and flighty, of course course these people always seek approval the most. Simon and Co. aren’t necessarily looking for the next Adele, but there was at least one singer who thought she actually wasAdele…on Jerry Springer.
The auditions moved to Greensboro, N.C., where Simon got his first taste of the Southern staple buttered grits! First up, was cutie-pie Willie Jones from Shreveport, Louisiana who drove 14 hours to sing for the judges, and sing he did. Demi compared his style to the “Fresh Prince of Bel-Air“, but he wasn’t going to rap about how his parents didn’t understand.
Williedid shock the audience when he started Josh Turner‘s “Your Man“, and did a great job with it. I really liked how his voice went between a very Country low and an R&B middle. This kid has a lot of potential. You might remember that Scotty McCreery auditioned with with this song on ‘American Idol‘ and did go on to win the show, so maybe it will as lucky for Willie as it was for Scotty.
When Julia Bullock made her way to the stage she revealed that she was auditioning without her band. Flashback to her in the parking lot with her ex-boyfriend and friend, asking them what they would do if she makes it onto the show. They’ll have to get “regular people” jobs, and they are none to happy it about it. Julia goes into Foster The People‘s “Pumped Up Kicks” which is just alright for me, but she gets her 4 yeses and her ex has to start applying to flip burgers at McDonald’s.
There was one standout with Jeffrey Adam Gutt, a single dad that impressed the judges with his neck-stretching rendition of “Hallelujah.” I thought parts of it sounded a bit forced, but I’m kind of tired of the whole RVRS (Raspy Voiced Rock Star) thing. Demi told his adorable son, Talon that his dad “was a rock star,” and it he got a pass to the next round.
I decided to save the worst for last. Of course none of us really sound all that great singing in the shower or car, but that little fact didn’t stop Krysten Colon from thinking that we needed to hear what she sounds like in the shower. She tried, she really did, with Adele‘s “Don’t You Remember” but it was hardly worth remembering. Her whole tone was just off. Simon encouraged her to try again, and she did in this time with Whitney‘s “I Have Nothing” which sounded even worse than her first audition.
God. The taping was being hit by a pretty fierce thunderstorm while she was singing, probably Whitney having a fit in Heaven from hearing another person butcher one of her classics. It was no, again, and Krysten broke down backstage, fighting with her mother and throwing water at a camera. Before she could throw a chair at security, she ran outside into the rain and her mother was left to apologize for her behavior.
If it’s exhausting watching this, I can’t imagine how it is for the judges to be in front of that for hours on end. I wonder what they add to their Pepsi (which they had to shill in an embarrassing segment), to keep their cool…because I want some, too.