Tag Archives: Justin Bieber

Justin Bieber Had A Bad Week – Needs A Nap and His Blankie

 

Or a bottle. Or his blankie. Something! He’s been having the worst week ever, for a teenage millionaire, and I won’t call this a “breakdown” or a “downward spiral,” but something is up with this kid.

He’s been in London for a number of sold out shows at the O2 Arena, but the city isn’t treating him so kindly. After having the “worst birthday ever” when his party was shut down at club Cirque du Soir when bouncers suspected that underage kids were in attendance, he paraded around in a gas mask  and decided the world needed to see his tighty-whiteys under some ugly blue pants.

On Monday Justin was met with boos from his fans when he showed up two hours late to his own show. He performed for only 40 minutes due to “technical issues” but later apologized on Twitter saying, “I never have any intent to upset or let anyone down.” On Thursday, he collapsed backstage and was given emergency oxygen, then urged to cancel the rest of the show. Instead, he continued on with the performance and was hospitalized later. He tweeted a picture of himself, shirtless of course, relaxing in his room while listening to “Janice Joplin.” It’s Janis, child.

Things got even weirder when he had a run in with a paparazzo while he was leaving his hotel. After Justin shoved the man, the photog cried assault which prompted Bieber to conjure the spirit of Tupac Shakur and threaten him with a mcflurry of curse words, “I’LL F**KING BEAT THE F**K OUT OF YOU!” All while flanked by his babysitt…uh, bodyguards. Usher, come get your protege.

So a couple of questions. First off, who does Justin think he is? Has he ever been in a fight, EVER? Selena hurt you bad, didn’t she bruh? Where are his parents? Where the hell do you even get a gas mask? What has been causing his sudden illness? Are Lays‘ Sriracha chips good? Should I give ‘The Following’ another chance? Is Justin Bieber another spoiled child that can’t handle fame, and possibly his liquor? There could be a lot of things going on with him. Maybe the pressure of being pretty white boy is starting to get to him. His girl left, and the media is mocking him more than usual. He’s trying to be a grown up but his audience is still made up of girls who haven’t gotten their periods yet.

So I don’t really feel sorry for Biebs, he just seems to be having a crappy week. We’ve all been there but on a much smaller scale. He needs a break, and possibly a nap.

Justin Bieber On ‘Saturday Night Live’

 

Luckily for the dozens of Beliebers that camped out for tickets (and perhaps were actually hand picked–ew–by Bieber’s manager, Scooter Braun), in one of the biggest snow storms ever, didn’t keep them from seeing their idol host SNL. 

I didn’t have high hopes for the show, and wasn’t looking forward to an hour and 30 minutes of him mugging for his stans at home and in the audience, and there was a lot of that. Overall it was a decent show, he wasn’t that bad but the rest of the cast was really good.

The Cold Open focused on the Super Bowl, and not the blizzard as I thought they would. If you still paid attention to last Sunday’s game after Beyonce‘s performance, you witnessed the blackout that brought the game to a halt. The CBS sports commentators had to scramble to fill air time while most of the stadium sat in darkness. I think this would have been funnier if I had still been watching when the blackout happened, but the 2 Broke Girls jokes and the reporters starting in on secrets no one needed to know made for a great start to the show.

Would Bieber sing during his monologue? No, he wouldn’t, but the show made good use of him. I said this last night while I was watching and I’ll say it again, there it something very creepy about that kid trying to be sexy. I know it’s not aimed at my 26 years, but it’s so off-putting. Anyways, he praises the month of February which houses Valentine’s Day and Black History Month, by sweet-talking some girls in the audience by telling them some black history facts. Then a wild Whoopi Goldberg appeared! Even though she works for ABC, she was all over NBC last week, but was a pleasant surprise.

BEST SKETCHES

 

“Justin Bieber Decoys” Bieber as himself, well he couldn’t have screwed this one up. The sketch featured most of the cast dressed as him, and I’m sure it was no coincidence that all the girls looked more like him than the guy did. The funniest line came from an exchange with Jason Sudeikis when Bieber complains about how the black decoy won’t fool anyone, “Well, neither are you, homey,” Jason deadpanned. Then randomly, Kate McKinnon as Ellen DeGeneres.

 

“The Miley Cyrus Show” I’m glad they brought this one back, and since they hadn’t done it in a while they had to update Vanessa Bayer‘s wig because Miley is all “edgy” now. It was a bit too obvious to have Justin play someone that hates him, but the admission to smoking pot was pretty funny.

“50s Romance” This reminded me of when the cast sang “Summer Lovin‘” on Jimmy Fallon‘s last show and he accidentally, or purposely, touched Tina Fey‘s boob. Biebs almost cracked Fallon- style, but kept it together through this ridiculous sing-songy look at an awkward date. “Billy thought he saw a witch and ran and locked himself in the car.” 

“Principle Frye: Valentine’s Day” Principle Frye and the staff at Booker T. Washington High once again try to get through one of the school’s dances without incident. Justin and Nasim Pedrad are an abstinent, but obviously curious, couple giving up some rhyming sex tips, “Don’t do that thang until you get that rang.”  The real star of this is always Jay Pharoah‘s Frye, who just can’t seem to get things in order. Attention teachers and students!

WEEKEND UPDATE

There were a handful of good lines from Seth Meyers, none of which were actually in the script, like when he reacted to the audience jeering at his Honey Boo Boo joke. Cory, the black guy you saw in every Super Bowl commercial, was a good segment even though I thought Jay should have played him instead of Kenan Thompson. “I have to give a high five every 12 seconds, then I laugh and bite into a piece of pizza.”

WORST SKETCHES

“The Californians” JESUS CHRIST ON A RITZ, STOP DOING THIS SKETCH! It’s like they know how much we hate it but they keep doing it to piss us off. It’s not funny. It was never funny. It will never be funny. Bill Hader breaking won’t make it funny. STOP!

 

“Justin’s Sexy Valentine’s Day Message” again just felt creepy. He actually pulled a “Hey Girl.” You are not Ryan GoslingBobby Moynihan as Taco, some weird man-child, was the weird icing on the WTF Cake.

Christoph Waltz is hosting on February 16. Let’s see how many Django jokes are leftover from when Jamie Foxx hosted.

Thanks to SNL‘s Official Tumblr and Steph-Was-Here for pics!

Selena Gomez Sings ‘Cry Me A River’ (To Justin Bieber)

 

Oh, I love it when the little ones air their dirty laundry to the masses.  Check out sistergirl Selena Gomez actin’ all mad at her babyboy Justin Bieber while she sings Justin Timberlake’s ode to Britney Spears, ‘Cry Me A River‘.

 

Meanwhile, Justin’s smokin’ a blunt in his hotel room with some other guy girl.

Aaaaand, here come the hate emails.  Bring it, little girls.