Tag Archives: Hooker PLEASE

Lindsay Lohan Is An Escort?

Oh, Lindsay.

 

I am Julia’s Complete Lack of Surprise.  (Can one watch Fight Club too many times?  No. And NO.)  SeemsStar Magazine is coming out with a story the we in the celebrity gossip industry — read:  “we who fool around on the internet all day long” —  have  been hearing for a couple of years.

Rumor has it that Lindsay’s mother Dina is pimping her daughter out as an (and I QUOTE) “high class escort” to wealthy “businessmen” from all over the world.

Lindsay And Dina in London

“One of Lindsay’s most high profile clients is the man who is third in line to the throne of Brunei, a small country in Southeast Asia: Prince Haji Abdul Azim.

A billionaire playboy who loves American celebrities, he allegedly paid Lindsay a whopping $100,000 to join him in London for a New Year’s celebration.

 And wealthy Spanish-American painter Domingo Zapata reportedly supported the troubled actress for much longer than a holiday.

“Domingo let Lindsay live in his penthouse at the Bowery Hotel in NYC for free and at his L.A. pad at Chateau Marmont [for months],” says one of his confidantes. “They’re both super swanky. No way Lindsay could’ve afforded either of them for such long periods of time on her own.”

I suppose we should all throw the word “ALLEGEDLY” around regarding this story, but really?  Is anyone shocked by this mess?  I’m being serious.

YOU tell ME.

Jennifer Lopez Hogged William and Kate at BAFTA Gala in Los Angeles – You Don’t Say?!

The Death Claw as worn by JLo

Oh, thank the LORT.  Hallelujer.  I don’t have to release my pitbull grip I have on the hot mess that was JLo shoving her fat ass (COUGHIShouldTalkCOUGH) into Every. GeeDee. Photo. at the BAFTA Gala held last week in Los Angeles when William and Kate were in town.  This is all KINDS of juicy, but first let me get this off my chest:

I just cannot LET. IT. GO.  I’ve waited a week…and I still just can’t. CAN’T. WON’T. REFUSE TO!  That gotdamn dress.  What the gotdamnHELL was Hugh Jass wearing during the BAFTA GALA last Saturday night?  I’ll tell you exactly what is was:  A Size Jumbo (I should know) Sausage Casing made special for her meaty ass by Emilio Pucci at the slaughterhouse in the scary part of town.

Okay.  Now.  Here’s where it gets GOOOOD.

 

Again???

People Magazine is blabbing something rather delicious (which is shocking for their usual suck-up-ness).  Get a load of what Mary-Louise Parker had to say about Hugh Jass JLo:

 

I have a newfound respect for Mary-Louise Parker. BOOM.

“I didn’t meet them. I was shoved out of the way by Jennifer Lopez. Uh oh, I shouldn’t have said that.”

OhhhhhGYAAAAHthatwasawesome. (All one word.)  What she really meant was what Clairee from my beloved Steel Magnolias said about that big-assed wedding guest at Shelby’s weddin’:

Looks like two pigs wrestlin’ under a blanket.”

 

JLo, aka "Two Pigs Wrestlin' Under a Blanket" at the Royal BAFTA Gala

Daaaaaang.  Never underestimate the power of a sharp-tongued white chick who was shoved outta the way of meeting the Royals.  Just sayin’.