Tag Archives: File Under: Self-Indulgence and Self-Absorption

Songs of the Day – ‘Life’s What You Make It’ by Talk Talk and ‘Bleed Like Me’ By Garbage (Hmmmmmm…)

It’s one of those days here in my head.  Sad for lots of reasons; sad for no reason at all.  Somehow, it all makes sense to me.  I haven’t given in totally to the darkness that roots around my so-called brain; but I’ve been choking back the tears for two days now. (Ummm, could someone please be a lamb and run to Hot Topic for me?  Clearly, I’m in need of some ironic, mopey t-shirt.  Oh, I found just the one!)

Oh, KStew....you crabby lip-biter, you. I feel ya.

So, anyPOUT. I feel a little better (and a whole lot more STUPID) by even writing this post. I think I better find a padlock so no one reads this current little portion of my 7th grade diary. (I’ll just keep it in my locker, it’ll be safe there.)

And just like any good junior high dork, a song popped into my head that might help make me feel a little less tormented.  (Someone had the gall to call me on the phone last night and refer to me as a Drama Queen, and insinuated that’s the ONLY reason anyone reads my blog.  Hey! Thanks!!)  Can you even BELIEVE it? (Hush up and don’t answer that…)

So rather than post “Bleed Like Me by Garbage, I found this…one of my favorite songs ever: Life’s What You Make It by Talk Talk.

Baby,
life’s what you make it
Can’t escape it

Baby,
yesterday’s favourite
Don’t you hate it

(Everything’s All RIght)
life’s what you make it
(Everything’s All RIght)

Baby,
life’s what you make it
Don’t backdate it

Baby,
Don’t try to shade it
Beauty is naked

(Everything’s all right)
life’s what you make it
(Everything’s all right)
Life’s What You Make It

(Instrumental)

Baby,
life’s what you make it
Celebrate it
Anticipate it
Yesterday’s faded
Nothing can change it
Life’s what you make it

(Everything’s all right)
life’s what you make it
(Everything’s all right)
Life’s What You Make It
(Everything’s all right)
yeah yeah
(Everything’s all right)

Yeah, yeah….easier said than done for us Lip (and Cuticle-Biters).  Gaaaah….the self-mutilation of it all! (Eyeroll.)

Oh well…here’s Bleed Like Me, anyway…

Don’t worry.

"Try to comprehend that which you'll never comprehend..."

Avalanche is sullen and too thin
She starves herself to rid herself of sin
And the kick is so divine when she sees bones beneath her skin
And she says:
Hey baby can you bleed like me?
C’mon baby can you bleed like me?

Chris is all dressed up and acting coy
Painted like a brand new Christmas toy
He’s trying to figure out if he’s a girl or he’s a boy
He says:
Hey baby can you bleed like me?
C’mon baby can you bleed like me?

Doodle takes dad’s scissors to her skin
And when she does relief comes setting in
While she hides the scars she’s making underneath her pretty clothes
She sings:
Hey baby can you bleed like me?
C’mon baby can you bleed like me?

Therapy is Speedie’s brand new drug
Dancing with the devil’s past has never been too fun
It’s better off than trying to take a bullet from a gun
And she cries:
Hey baby can you bleed like me?
C’mon baby can you bleed like me?

JT gets all fucked up in some karaoke bar
After two drinks he’s a loser after three drinks he’s a star
Getting all nostalgic as he sings “I Will Survive”
Hey baby can you bleed like me?
C’mon baby can you bleed like me?
Hey baby can you bleed like me?
C’mon baby can you bleed like me?

You should see my scars
You should see my scars
You should see my scars
You should see my scars
Try to comprehend that which you’ll never comprehend
Try to comprehend that which you’ll never comprehend
Just try to comprehend that which you’ll never comprehend
Try to comprehend that which you’ll never comprehend
You should see my scars
You should see my scars

I’m fine.

The Kardashian Klan is On My Last Good Nerve and Should Just Go Away

THIS.

Raise your hand if you have gay friends who CANNOT GET MARRIED due to dumbass laws preventing them from a real, loving matrimonial ceremony that actually means something. Unlike someone else we’ve had crammed down our throats. (No sex-tape pun intended…well, maybe a little.)  Why else is Kim famous?? Oh, yeah, the peeing situation…

ANYfame-ho, I’m so OVER this lame-ass excuse for a 72-day marriage, and hearing about Kim filing for divorce yesterday.  I’m not gonna say anything different than anyone else is blabbing about, but I do want to say, “Yeah! What they said!”, because this whole mess was a farce.  The Kardashians–particularly Kim and Momager Kris Jenner can attempt to convince the public all they want that this was true love and a wedding that happened too quickly.  Hey.  PANTS ON FIRE.

Let’s take a look at what is a very interesting list of how this “wedding” was a complete farce:

via THR:

Do you think they paid for ANYTHING?? Oh, and where's the GROOM?

1. Big Day Pay Day

For most, throwing a wedding means spending big bucks. For Kardashian and her man, it meant making them. The reality stars were paid $1.5 million by People magazine for their wedding photos (as well as $300,000 for their engagement announcement), $100,000 from OK! for bridal shower coverage, and between $30,000 and $100,000 from Us Weekly for photos of their post-nuptial trip to Italy. Not to mention the E! stipend they both would have received as part of their show contracts with the network. Nothing says everlasting love like dollar signs.

2. Wedding Sponsorship-Palooza

The payouts didn’t stop there. The couple turned what most view to be a sacred day into a marketing media blitz, which also doesn’t point to sincerity. Instead of picking special or favorite and personal things for their big day, the pair brokered deals to get most of their wedding décor, eats and dresses for free or at a deep discount. Kardashian’s 20.5-carat Lorraine Schwartz ring should have cost $3 million, but the reality princess received it at a fraction of the price. It’s no coincidence that Kardashian only sported Schwartz jewelry to walk down the aisle (among the items: a $2.5 million 65-carat headpiece, 28-carat earrings and a 15-carat wedding band). The pair also got a deal on their Lehr & Black engraved invites, Kardashian’s hair, makeup and grooming and the cake (which was made by the same L.A.-based company that created her sister Khloe’s).

3. Made-for-TV Weddings Have Been Publicity Ploys in the Past

It’s no secret that getting married in front of the camera’s doesn’t yield many long-term results. Everyone from former MTV’s The Hills stars Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag (who briefly separated in 2010), Brady Bunch alum Christopher Knight and Adrianne Curry, every Bachelor and Bachelorette to get engaged in the history of the ABC shows (minus Trista and Ryan Sutter), Britney Spears and Kevin Federline, Carmen Electra and Dave Navarro whose show ‘Til Death Do Us Part didn’t end up ringing true and Jon & Kate Plus 8 stars Jon and Kate Gosselin, who split after renewing their vows in front of TLC cameras, has seen their unions crumble after airing their weddings. But, despite that fact, Kardashian and Humphries chose to publicly say “I do” Aug. 20 in an E! special.

4. Wedding Regrets

Kardashian’s post-wedding appearance with Humphries on Ellen DeGeneres’ daytime talk show also yielded some seemingly similar not-so-happily-ever-after forecasting. When asked by the host what she would have done differently in regards to her wedding, the star responded, “Elope! I was so crazy for an entire month. I literally, I went crazy. It was so stressful.” A new storyline to explore after the reconciliation, perhaps?

5. Kim Appears Alone on the Cover of People Magazine

People magazine licensed the official wedding photos and interview with Kardashian and her husband for $1.5 million, so when the highly anticipated photos were released, many people expected to see the happy couple on the cover. However, only the blushing bride graces the cover of the big wedding issue, implying that the wedding and marriage were more about the Kardashian brand than the uniting of a couple in love. “It’s all about the bride. We wanted her. It’s her day, we wanted her on the cover,” explained People’s assistant editor Jen Garcia, who defended the magazine’s decision.

6. Kim & Kourtney Take New York Centers on Marital Strife Between Couple

Shortly after their honeymoon, Kardashian and Humphries flew to New York to film the second season of Kim & Kourtney Take New York. The season will most likely heavily feature the couple’s new life together as man and wife. And a source close to Humphries tells THR that the season with end with the couple “taking a break” from their relationship.

7. Pre-Split Public Partying

In a very coincidental turn, Humphries, who has never made headlines for being a party-boy before, was publicly spotted out on the town in NYC in the weeks leading up to the split announcement. Us Weekly’s cover story proclaimed “Enough!” saying the reality star was sick of funding her husband’s partying habits during the NBA lockout. Star magazine also cited eyewitness accounts of the basketballer “acting like he didn’t have a wife at home.”

8. Outlets Got Delayed Response

On Monday, when news began circulating that Kardashian was planning on filing for divorce, it was E! that got it confirmed first. Even after their site announced the news, other networks were waiting around for confirmation from her reps for quite some time. Of course E! pays the Kardashians, and Ryan Seacrest produces the show, so it would make sense. But is all that surprise by even the cable network possibly one big ruse to make that reunion plotline down the road more believable?

9. “Convenient” Timing of Announcement of Divorce

The news that Kardashian was filing for divorce hit the news on Monday morning. Most weekly magazines close out their issues Monday evening. This timing may not be a coincidence. The matriach of the Kardashian clan, Kris Jenner, made sure that the news hit before the weeklies closed, according to THR sources.

10. Kris Humphries Expresses Shocks Over Divorce News

What would make this sudden divorce announcement even more dramatic? And drive the previously unknown Humphries’ fame even more? If Humphries didn’t know that he was getting hit with a divorce. The NBA player ran straight to TMZ and E! to express his shock at the news. “I love my wife and am devastated to learn she filed for divorce,” he said in a statement. “I’m committed to this marriage and everything this covenant represents. I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make it work.” Isn’t that what a heartbroken man does? Run to the nearest media outlet? Again, every reality producer in town must be thinking right now how to write that “Kris Wins Kim Back” extended plotline…

The Montecito Biltmore Four Seasons Hotel

How many of you were given–or even loaned extravagant Lorraine Schwartz diamond rings, earrings, a headpiece, a Vera Wang dress, an entire WING and the bar at the Montecito Four Seasons Hotel (which ruined another bride’s wedding, due to the Kardashian’s demands and chaos) for the before-the ceremony parties and lodging, as well as an over-the-top wedding at a tremendous mansion in Montecito (aka the Rivera of America, just a hop-skip from Santa Barbara).  I’ve stayed at this posh resort and as far as I’m concerned, the Kardashians have sullied its beauty and elegance.

Again.  I’m just clearly redundant.  Every media outlet, blog, talk show and water-cooler chatter at the office has, undoubtedly had the exact same conversation regarding this idiocy.

Oh, and I hold Ryan Seacrest and E! to blame for this farce, as well.

 

 And a big thanks to HoneyJade for the heads up on the first photo.  It ROCKS…xoxo, Boo.  ~DivaJulia

Amy Winehouse Has Died and I Need to Write About Her, Okay?

Amy Winehouse - 1983-2011

 

Go ahead and file this post under Self-Indulgent and Self-Absorbed…bear with me for just a second, though, please?

It was early 2007 when I began to drown in Amy Winehouse.  Her voice, her achingly sad and ironic lyrics, her look, everything.  Hook. Eyeliner. Sinker.

Emotionally and ultimately physically, I was in a black hole, which probably drew me into Amy’s web even more.  Someone understood and put it all into words.  It felt warm and safe when I was surrounded by Amy’s smoky voice.  It wasn’t safe, though.  Amy was a modern-day,  Billie Holiday in my eyes and I wanted to be smothered in the gardenia-scented heaviness of her pain so it could mingle with my own.

I make no secret of my struggles with depression, anorexia and addiction. This dark thunder cloud in my soul was manifested by the childhood sexual abuse I suffered, thus making chunks of my life nearly unbearable.  I held it together the best I could, but then…I just couldn’t anymore.  Had it not been for some eye-opening therapy and the profound love from and for my husband, I don’t know…I just don’t know what would have happened.

Sadly, I personally know the pain of a mother seeing her own child struggle with addiction.  The fear, anger, dread, and stomach-dropping emotional roller-coaster of raw nerves can’t even begin to describe the waking-nightmare of the rage and despair that took up residency in my heart.

The makeshift memorial outside Amy's home in Camden

The point in all of my school-girl rambling here is that this young woman needed help.  LOTS of help.  Winning five Grammy Awards before you’re 25?  Accepting the awards via satellite because you’re still in REHAB?  I can’t even imagine.  This isn’t so-called Good Girl, Taylor Swift we’re talking about.  (Oh, and tick -tock on that one.)  Ugh.  Oh, and lest we forget, Natalie Cole–who had quite a struggle with substance abuse in her own right–thought it would be awesome to criticize Amy’s 2008 Grammy wins:

via People.com

“I don’t think she should have won. I think it sends a bad message to our young people who are trying to get into this business, the ones who are trying to do it right and really trying to keep themselves together,” said Cole, 58. “We have to stop rewarding bad behavior.

Cole says: “I’m sorry. I think the girl is talented, gifted, but it’s not right for her to be able to have her cake and eat it too. She needs to get herself together.”

Happy and smug now, Miss Cole?  I smelled your rotten, sour grapes back when you made that statement and the stench is still resonating from the compost pile.

I’ve read some really disturbing remarks regarding Amy’s death.  Yes, we can all pretty much assume she died of some sort of substance overdose.  Her troubles with alcohol and drug addiction is fairly well documented in this age of the internet, unlike when Kurt Cobain also died (by his own hand) at the age of 27.   The cruelty of some of the statements, (i.e. “She deserved to die!”) are simply merciless and vulgar.  If figures, too,  that there is a tinge of sexism in the media, even in death.  Whatever.   Amy surrounded herself with some sketchy people, hangers-on…and her own demons, which turned into a deadly combination when mixed with fame, money and a proclivity to severe addiction.

Russell Brand has come forward with very tender and perceptive statement regarding Amy’s life and death.  The opening paragraph stabbed my consciousness.

 

Russell and Amy Photo: GettyImages

 

I suggest you read all of Russell’s Letter to Amy.

Rest in Peace sounds so trite…but I hope Amy is indeed at peace.