We start off with Will dreaming that he’s being electrocuted (shimmy, shimmy) by an alternate version of himself because, you know, what other sorts of dreams are you supposed to have before you’re put on trail for a homicidal spree? One does wonder if this dream has to do with Will thinking he’s his own worst enemy though. Hmm. Well, as usual, the tone is set for this episode of “To Catch A Cannibal” within the first 30 seconds. Isn’t it nice to know that you can depend on things like this?!
But we interrupt your regularly scheduled titillation with…more titillation; Hannibal and Will are, independently, getting spiffy for court in their respective “abodes” and it’s pants-melting hot! Hellooooooooo, sartorial porn! I’m gonna bless ya’ll with gifs because we’re friends like that and because friends should suffer pangs of sexual frustration together. Also, I wanna look that suave when I do up my tie. *sigh*
Even Hettienne Park and Bryan Fuller, themselves, caught a fit of the vapors:
So the trial begins with the prosecution describing the kind of killer they believe Will to be when they’re actually describing who Hannibal is. Photographic memory, cued into human condition, smartest person in the room, etc. Hannibal smirks like the little shit-eater we all know and love. Kade Prurnell continues to be a nasty git. Jack gets on the stand as a witness for the prosecution, only to throw himself under the bus for Will’s benefit, coming to his defense. Kade is not amused. “I put those check and balances in place, then ignored them.” Hannibal continues to smirk. HOW DOES NO ONE SEE THIS?!
Will’s lawyer, Leonard Brower (Shawn Doyle), tries to soothe him by telling him how to beat the system. Will is such an innocent puppy that he looks ill at the thought of somehow performing/using his pretty face to get out of the slammer. Yes, his lawyer called him “pretty” and we all know he’s not wrong! In the midst of the discussion, said lawyer is delivered a small package that ends up containing a human ear. Another one! Just not courtesy of Will’s GI tract. “I think I got your mail.” Oh, Brower-bro, you are so self-possessed and can stay. Hurray for matched luggage though, yes?!
Jack hits up Hannibal’s office for
tea time drinks and admits that his courtroom confession makes him feel like a decent human again. Hannibal, in essence, is like: “Can you slow your roll and stop resolving the things I so enjoy torturing you with? You will ruin everything!” It ain’t easy being a cannibal. And then Bella’s cancer is brought up and I’m pretty sure the entire fandom nope’d the fuck out at that point. Seriously. There was some genuine shirt rending on my part because, omg, BELLA. BELLA AND JACK. WHO WANTS TO TAKE HER BACK TO ITALY SO SHE CAN DIE THERE. I ABSOLUTELY CANNOT. The ear was easier to deal with than this. Bry says we’ll actually see her aka Gina Torres next week and I just…somebody hold me. *Since writing this, a promotional still of Bella and Jack has been released and ALL THE TEARS, guys. Brace yourselves, feels are coming.
Back at the lab, Team Sassy Science confer with Jack and Hannibal over the new arrival to their body part farm. Hannibal is confused because he KNOWS it wasn’t him… Is someone else courting his bae?! Rude! While
conjugal visiting Will, he tells him it wouldn’t occur to him to send Will an ear though we’re all pretty sure he’s filing that away for later a la Miriam Lass’ arm. One slighted cannibal, coming up! Really, though, Hannibal is simultaneously miffed and approving at this ear business which is something that continues throughout the episode. But we’ll get to that.
Freddie Lounds has been called to the stand for the prosecution when the trial reconvenes and, in typical fashion, she overacts and tries to paint Will as a monster. Meaning she straight up lies! Thankfully, Will’s lawyer is on it and calls her out for her history of libel settlements. *tsk tsk* Didn’t we already say that Brower could stay? It’s not just his character being a good lawyer for Will that makes him a keeper, he’s also fairly dripping with well-placed snark. Clearly right up the Fannibal alley!
Outside Will’s cage, Alana is being prepped for the stand by Brower. “Dr. Bloom, weren’t you and the accused romantically involved?” Awkward! Despite the lawyer’s loud reminder that Alana is “smitten with the accused” (aren’t we all), Will’s eyes are impressively dead in preparation for the answer we all know is necessary for his defense. NO ONE IS HAPPY. THIS SHOW IS SO GRIM RIGHT NOW (HA!). NOT EVEN THE FUCKING TITLE CHARACTER, IN HIS CANNIBALISTIC ELEMENT, IS HAPPY. WE ARE IN DARK DAYS, MY FRIENDS. HUDDLE CLOSE.
Now Team Sassy Science has deduced that the knife used to cut off the new found ear is the same, Will’s, that was used to slice off Abigail’s ear. It was checked out of evidence by a bailiff, Andrew Sykes, and never returned. But it can’t be him, right? Whomever is sending Will love letters behind his *boyfriend’s back can’t possibly be dumb enough to give away his identity that easily. So the gang heads over to Sykes’ home that happens to be rigged with explosives. Big bada boom ensues. They still manage to find Sykes’ mangled body given the “best of Will Graham’s kills” treatment i.e. missing ear, Glasgow smile, mounted on antlers, charred to a crisp, gun shot. Jack runs to the judge and Kade to let them know there’s no way for Will to commit those murders if they were still happening and no evidence other than Abigail’s ear has manifested itself. Nobody wants to hear it.
Courtroom drama begins featuring the horrible human being that is Frederick Chilton and his very undeserved pimp cane. YOU CANNOT BUY FABULOUS, CHILTON. Once again, there is description of what Will is that is actually what HANNIBAL is. Womp womp. *cue drawl* “Will Graham is driven by vanity and his own whims.” I’m sorry, have you seen his wardrobe? Not a single touch of swag, Chilton! The scene gives way to a conjugal visit worthy of more than a few whimpers where Hannibal gives Will the case material on his “admirer” so that he can, rightfully, surmise that this killer isn’t Hannibal. For once. AND THE GOLDEN PENDULUM OF BOSSNESS IS BACK, AWWWW, YISSSSS. We see Will, channeling the killer, pick up and toss Sykes onto a stags head and…no, that’s not my new sexuality you sense, what are you talking about. *side eye* He mentions how the murder was personal and how Sykes died believing that him and his murderer were friends. A CLUE, A CLUE!
Anyhoo, Hannibal tries to soothe Will with this new info but Will reminds him that he (Hannibal) still killed the people Will is on trial for. So, no, you’re not off the hook, bb. Hannibal gets emotional and fragile at how Will notices even the tiniest things about him which just makes you guffaw because “Just Cannibal Things”. Then Hannibal starts waxing poetic about how this killer has complemented Will with his actions. Not that Hannibal is completely okay with someone stealing his thunder but, as we’ve mentioned, Will starring in a permanent rendition of ‘Locked Up’ is not what Hannibal intended and this mystery killer is helping take the heat off both of them. Hannibal is nothing if not resourceful.
“I want you to believe in the best of me. Just as I believe in the best of you.”
“I don’t want you to be here.”…“I don’t want me to be here.”
“This killer wrote you a poem. Are you going to let his love go to waste?”
Yeah, I can’t even with this scene, for real. *popcorn.gif*
And now it’s time for some Willana because we’re worth it! Will and Brower enlighten Alana that they’re going with Hannibal’s idea of using this new string of murders as Will’s defense. SO THEY’RE PUTTING HANNIBAL ON THE STAND INSTEAD OF ALANA. FEIWAOGNW;OAGIAO;GAWG As one could imagine, this goes swimmingly. Not. During testimony, Hannibal reveals the new murder and his belief that it confirms Will’s innocence. The prosecution shuts him down and the judge decides to strike the testimony from the record. In the words of Julia Roberts in ‘Pretty Woman’, “Big mistake! Huge!” Hannibal is suitably put out while the “Ballad of the Sad Cannibal” rides again, may it never go away!
Then we’re back in a the courtroom where a janitor has discovered the artfully displayed body of the now deceased judge. Welp! That was quick! Call me crazy, but I’m near certain most Fannibals have their favorite death tableau. Mine has been the cello dude, courtesy of Tobias Budge, in season one. This judge being made into the literal representation of justice has taken it’s place though. Absolutely, grotesquely gorgeous. “Not only is justice blind, it’s mindless and heartless.” Of course, this now throws the entire case into a tailspin with a mistrial as the result. “It’ll be like the case never happened.” Kade chokes down bile at the sight to remind Jack that, sometimes, you have to leave people behind. In this case, she means Will.
Will dreams of the Dire Ravenstag again. It leads him to a sort of locker room and THIS IS ANOTHER CLUE to who this new killer is. Not only because Bry wants to give us hints, but also because this is how Will’s mind works! It constantly collects all this data and then puts it together with little to no effort; his mind is slowly teasing out the killer’s identity and that person uses a locker room at BSHCI. A friend of that bailiff would suggest that it’s another guard.
Alana visits to console Will to no avail. He tells her that he had the absurd feeling that, whoever the killer is, “he walked out of that courtroom with me.” Again, signs point to one of the guards. Alana looks terrified as Will informs her about the killer’s desire to know him. *Biblically? J/k* I’m starting to wonder whether Will emits some sort of pheromone that makes him irresistible to serial killers since they all seem to want a bite of the Graham Cracker! Our last vision is one of Alana mournfully confessing that she wants to save Will and them holding hands across the table. UGH! WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT THE LEVELS OF SADNESS WE’VE REACHED? *sniff*
*In case anyone missed it, I ship “Hannigram” and take the continuous piss out of it. <3 Swiggity Swag!