Tag Archives: Dumbassery

Kanye West Is NOT A Celebrity, You Guys.

 

I’m pretty sure you can see or HEAR my eyes rolling all the way back into my skull, right?  Kanye West is brilliantly pontificating (read: spouting public dumbassery once again) about how he “is not a celebrity“.  Uh…that’s not what I heard.  ‘Ye’s REALITY CELEBRITY Baby Mama, Kim Kardashian was Instram-ing up a storm during the Adult Swim Upfront at New York’s Roseland Ballroom Wednesday night.

via: Kim Kardashian’s Instagram
via: Kim Kardashian’s Instagram

Ugh.

via: Billboard.com 

“I ain’t no muthafuckin celebrity,” Kanye West said halfway through his nearly 90-minute set at the Adult Swim Upfront at New York’s Roseland Ballroom Wednesday night. “There’s one thing about me, I’m a terrible, terrible terrible celebrity. I don’t know if you really know there’s one thing about me but I’m the worst kind of celebrity. All I do is make real music. All I do is sit in the studio and make real shit. And that’s it. And that’s muthafuckin it. That’s muthafuckin it!

So I don’t want no people runnin’ up on me with cameras, trying to like sell pictures and shit to magazines, asking me dumb ass questions, throwin’ me off my focus and shit. Harrasin’ you all muthafuckin day. I ain’t no muthafuckain celebrity.

It’s so funny. Somebody asked me, ‘when you do SNL, are you going to do a skit about the paparazzi and shit. And like humanize yourself?’ I ain’t hear to apologize to no muthafuckas, man. It ain’t about me humanizing myself. At what point did I become un-human where I have to turn myself back? Or maybe I was demonized, or maybe I was treated inhumane and not human in that type of situation. I ain’t no muthafuckin celebrity. I ain’t runnin’ for office. I ain’t kissin’ nobody’s muthafuckin babies. I drop your baby and you muthafuckin sue me and shit. I’m trying to make some music that inspires people to be the best that they can be. And I don’t want nobody else to ask anything of me! Don’t ask nothing else of me.

Muthafuckas chasin you down, about to make you crash and shit. And all they want is for a nigga to laugh and shit. Hell nah, I ain’t doin no muthafuckin ‘SNL’ skits. This is my Goddamn life. This ain’t no muthafuckin joke.”

Dude. Shut UP. What a humorless butthole.  Oh, and it most certainly is a muthafuckin joke”Yeezy.

Coming Soon: Ryan Lochte Reality Show

Ryan Derrrpte.

 

In an attempt to stretch Olympic fame, swimming gold medalist Ryan Lochte is shooting a reality show for the E! network.

According to Gossip Cop it will follow every aspect of his life, from training for the 2016 Olympic Games to his search for Mrs. Right.

Lochte and his management team have made no secret of his desire to break into the entertainment industry. After scoring cameos in a few network shows, he spoke about participating in The Bachelor or Dancing With Stars.

I think his own show, with scripts crafted to downplay his weaknesses (insert your own dumb as * joke here) and which will allow HEAVY editing is a smart move for him.

Lochte hails from my current neck of the woods (by all accounts he is exactly as he appears)  so I might get a chance for some first hand reporting.

What Would Ryan Lochte Do? (yes, the jokes pretty much write themselves) will premiere in April.

 

GQ’s LEAST Influential People Of The Year – Brittani’s Thoughts

 

Post Halloween, I don’t really care for the holidays and all the supposed cheer it brings. I especially loathe all of the year end lists, but GQ put together one that I think we can all appreciate.

The magazine states that the list isa collection of people so uninspiring that we should round them all up and stick them on an iceberg. Please note that these folks are ranked in no particular order, because all zeros are created equal.”

Even though the 25 people on it aren’t ranked, Mitt Romney is the first person to pop up.The only successful thing he did this year was embody every black stand-up comedian’s impression of a white person.”  Truer words have never been spoken.

 

 

My former “boyfriend”, and thankfully for Diva Julia it was a very short crush, Ryan Lochte may have abs of steel but he has a brain made out of brick.  They described him as “the U.S. swimmer who managed to increase the Ashton Kutcher-ness of the London Games by 80 percent.”

 

 

You know, I actually like ‘Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives,’ but the worst part of it has always been Guy Fieri‘s stupid catchphrases (“Duhhh…I’d eat that Velveeta cheese sauce off a FLIP-FLOP! HARRR HARRR HARRR!”), backwards sunglasses, dumb spiky peroxided hair and well, flip-flops in other people’s kitchens. His latest venture, Guy’s American Kitchen and Bar, was mercilessly skewered by a New York Times food critic which promoted way too many people to jump to his defense.

 

Even though he won an Academy Award for writing ‘The Social Network,’ Aaron Sorkin‘s dialogue has always left me exhausted and annoyed. He has another successful show under his belt with ‘Newsroom,’ GQ perfectly puts it, Watching an Aaron Sorkin show is like someone force-reading you the Huffington Post.”

 

Also making the list are First Lady Michelle Obama (who really doesn’t belong on this list–God forbid she get your fat kids to exercise)Madonna, wearing her cheerleader uniform, new Laker, Dwight HowardAmanda Bynes and George Zimmerman. 

Check out the rest of the list here!