Well, what have we HERE? Miss Holier-Than-Thou-Perfect-Blonde-Reese Witherspoon (now brunette for a film) seems to be in trouble with The Law. It also seems she has quite a mouth on her when confronted by the po-po.
Reese Witherspoon and her husband, CAA agent James Toth, were arrested and briefly jailed early Friday morning in Atlanta, Ga., after he was pulled over under suspicion of driving while intoxicated, confirmed an official at the city’s Dept. of Corrections.
…Toth was pulled over after midnight Friday driving a silver 2013 Ford Focus, which the officer witnessed weaving across a double line on Atlanta’s Peachtree St. Toth appeared disheveled and his breath smelled of alcohol, according to the police report, prompting the officer to administer a sobriety test.
As Toth walked in the Walgreens parking lot where the officer instructed him to pull over to, Witherspoon became increasingly agitated from the vehicle, which prompted the officer to warn her to stay in the car for the sake of her own safety.
“Mrs. Witherspoon began to hang out the window and say that she did not believe that I was a real police officer,” according to the police report. “I told Mrs. Witherspoon to sit on her butt and be quiet.”
Once Toth was placed under arrest, Witherspoon exited the vehicle and was instructed to get back in the car. According to the report, she “stated that she was a ‘US citizen’ and that she was allowed to ‘stand on American ground.’”
The officer then detailed how she resisted as he grabbed her arms to arrest as Toth attempted to calm her down.
As the report details, “Mrs. Witherspoon asked, “Do you know my name?” I answered, “No, I don’t need to know your name.” I then added, “right now.” Mrs. Witherspoon stated, “You’re about to find out who I am.”
The report also specified, “Mrs. Witherspoon also stated, ‘You are going to be on national news.’ I advised Mrs. Witherspoon that was fine.”
Oh. Gurrrrl. You pulled the “Don’t you know who I AM?” card? According to US Magazine, you were THRILLED to be a brunette for your new movie (ahem), “The Good Lie“–filming in Atlanta, because (and I quote):
“It’s great to be brunette,” Witherspoon said at the time. “Nobody knows who I am. Everybody walks right past me. It’s a nice reprieve from my normal self.“
Amanda Bynes gave a statement to Us Weeklyon Thursday, stating: “I’m suing In Touch for printing a fake story. I’m not ‘troubled.’ I don’t get naked in public. I’m 26, a multi-millionaire, retired. Please respect my privacy.” Bitch, respect your own privacy. And multi-millionaire? Come on, now.
The story in question documented the first alleged sighting of the actress, as she has generally been lying low recently, after weeks of reports of her manic behavior and perpetual game of bumper cars that no one else seemed to be in on.
In Touch reported that Bynes had been “walking around at Beach Bump tanning salon in New York completely naked.” Their source alleged that she “didn’t seem to care that everyone saw her naked. She seemed totally out of it… There was definitely something wrong with her.”
Recently, Amanda Bynes has decided to grab life by the steering wheel and enjoy her own personal live-action game of bumper cars. At least, that’s the only plausible explanation I can conjure up as to why she has been involved in FIVE hit-and-run car accidents in recent months. I also toyed with the idea that she has found herself temporarily blind without realizing it, or that she’s decided to attempt the Lindsay Lohan method of throwing herself back into the limelight.
After all, other than her bizarre tweets, odd appearance, and underwhelming role alongside Emma Stone in Easy A, Amanda Bynes has more or less dropped off the media’s radar since she appeared in the 2007 remake of John Waters’Hairspray. It was also around this time that she seemed to be taking her Hairspray character a little bit too seriously. Amanda portrayed the updated version of Penny Pingleton, the naive daughter of a straight-laced, racist, religious zealot of a mother who rebels by dating a black guy. Around the time that the film was released and being promoted, Amanda’s increasingly eccentric tweets began to touch on the fact that she recently discovered that she actually prefers “chocolate” over “vanilla”. And I don’t think I need to tell you that she wasn’t talking about her Ben And Jerry’s preference. Amanda even went so far as to tweet a quote taken directly from a scene in Hairspray when Penny lays a huge kiss on her new boyfriend on live television, looks directly into the camera and proclaims, “I am now a checkerboard chick!” Oh, honey. This isn’t 1960’s Baltimore. Take a seat.
Eventually, as all the dots were connected, it came out that the “chocolate” man in question was a hip-hop artist by the name of Scott Mescudi, better known as KiD CuDi who had recently been dipping his toe into this pool of crazy. He even made mention of Amanda on his track ‘Cudderisback‘ where he raps:
Wanna get up in my mind / Wanna know about me and Amanda Bynes (Amanda please) / Wanna know really, really, really who I’m datin’ / Is she civilian or super duper famous?
He also seemed to realize what he was getting himself into shortly after his business was broadcast across twitter for the world to see, and took a few steps back. Okay, maybe a few miles. Good move, Scott. Run.
I guess it’s safe to assume that Amanda kept to herself and decided to quietly drown her sorrows in ice cream (vanilla..?) from this humiliating public heartbreak, because there wasn’t much to be reported about when it came to her after that. Until April of this year, when the TMZ gods graced us with this gem:
Ah yes, the lilac-haired ingenue lookin’ a supremely hot mess in her very first mugshot. Not particularly shocking considering TMZ posted this video only weeks beforehand:
Honestly, if the guys from TMZ are willing to sacrifice a story in order to tell you that you’re too drunk to drive — you are too fucking drunk to drive.
Naturally, Amanda didn’t spend too long in jail because that’s what happens when your name is recognizable in Hollywood, and your bank account always has enough money in it to bail your ass out of trouble. But at least she learned her lesson, right? Of course not.
Since that fateful night in April, Amanda Bynes has reportedly been in three additional hit-and-run accidents. Her second was only days later! Each was reported on, but nobody ever seemed to care enough to press charges. True to form, Amanda took to her twitter account to clear up the “rumors” going so far as to tweet at the President.
I don’t even have anything witty to say about this because I think it more than speaks for itself.
But as with all great tales of celebrity trainwrecks, something’s gotta give. After Amanda rear-ended yet another car just last week, and fled the scene, police finally decided against letting her continue to cruise around in her Range Rover, slamming into other innocent motorists and suspended her license. She has also been formally charged with misdemeanor hit-and-runs and will face up to a year in jail.
So what have we learned here today? Besides the fact that you can’t flee the scene of a crime with a recognizable face..
Kidding aside, Amanda Bynes is still denying that these incidents occurred, and also says that she doesn’t drink. If she is actually convinced herself that she’s telling the truth, then there is a much bigger problem at hand. So I’d like to say this, Amanda to Amanda: Take a breather. Maybe rework your twitter game. Experiment with some new ice cream flavors. Maybe a TV role? You used to be so funny! But it comes down to this, girl, you have a drinking problem. And you need to address that. And also maybe get your ass a town car with a driver.