Tag Archives: Brittani Has Made DivaJulia Snort-Laugh Again

Scandal Recap, ‘More Cattle, Less Bull’

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Photo: ABC/Scandal

Scandal’ has been teasing Remington’s big reveal, and it was a doozy. Olivia’s life is about to get even more complicated as she loses and gains a client, and loses and gains a man.

Cyrus and Mellie call upon a hot shot campaign manager name Leo Bergen to handle Fitz’s re-election. He smells desperation and doesn’t want to help, and he tells them that Fitz’s heart isn’t in it anyways, so why bother? Congresswoman Josephine Marcus is also gearing up for a fierce fight, and who better to help her take on the White House than Olivia. Josie tells Liv that she doesn’t want to use her secret child for political gain and asks her to “fix” her situation. So the team heads to Montana where they bribe her family, baby daddy and the nurse who helped deliver the baby. Cyrus’ lackey is in town too and almost gets the kid’s father to tell all on tv until Harrison threatens to disclose his affair. So Olivia, the monster he created, gets one over on Cyrus. “We’ve been Poped, sir!”

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In a ‘Chinatown’ twist, it turns out that Josephine’s attentive little sister Candice, who is also apart of her staff, is her daughter. The nurse who was present at her birth tells Olivia that Josie’s mother raised that daughter as her own. During a debate, Governor Reston catches her off guard by bringing up the baby, forcing Josie to admit to being a teenage mother. Her speech is honest, and automatically wins over the crowd, and possibly America. So all of that backfired for Cyrus and Reston, but the speech makes Candice realize who her real mother was and then Josie fires Olivia. She finds herself in an increasingly desperate state. No client, no phone call from Fitz on his private line. I get the weird comfort that Fitz provides for her, but fishing a phone out of the trash so you can talk to your boo is bordering on pathetic. After she does get her call and goes over jokes for the Correspondent’s Dinner, she asks Jake to be her date.

Just as Huck was telling him about Fitz and Rowan’s secret meeting, Jake gets picked up by Secret Service and taken to the White House’s basketball court. Of course it’s more than just a friendly game of one-on-one. They might as well have been having an actual dick fight.  [Cut to DivaJulia BELLY-LAUGHING over that one, Brittani!!] Fitz looks at Jake as kind of a frenemy, he wants Rowan to lay off him, but does Fitz know who he’s dealing with? Rowan fears no man, not even the President as he has never answered to his office.

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When Fitz suggests to Cyrus that they dismantle B613, Cyrus is clearly shaken at even the thought of trying to go against them, even suggesting that the organization had to something with killing Kennedy. WHAT?! At the Correspondent’s Dinner, Vice President Sally meets up with Leo in the men’s room to discuss running against Fitz as a third party candidate. Mellie asks Olivia to join Fitz’s re-election team because he needs her, but she couldn’t help but get in a jab. Jake doesn’t want to play second string to him anymore and leaves Olivia….and you know what, bye Jake. I mean, we know you’ll be back to ask her if she wants to get burgers, but for now, BYE!

We all knew that there was something fishy about the death of Olivia’s mom, and Huck finds out what it is. Instead of being in Iran for that rescue mission, he was in Iceland, where a plane carrying 300 passengers went down. A local fisherman reportedly saw flares, suggesting that Fitz shot the plane down instead of it having a mechanical failure. One of the names on the passenger list was Maya Lewis, Olivia’s mother. That’s right, the President killed the mother of his side piece. Oh, Shonda. Did the orders come from Rowan, or someone even more evil? Remember how he was trying to get her on that plane in the season premiere? Would he have killed his own daughter, even if it meant no more of those tense Sunday dinners? Oh and there’s the “little” issue of Quinn buying a gun after she was put on punishment by Harrison in Montana. Don’t they know by now that she requires adult supervision at all times?

This show is getting crazier by the episode.

Mad Men recap, ‘Man With A Plan’

Photos: AMC

I have to say after last week’s great episode, I was a little let down by most of what went down on Sunday night’s episode. I’ve felt some kind of way about Don these past couple of seasons and now I’m just tired of him. The merger has left the office in disarray, but he could not care less. Pete’s life is steadily falling apart and does Joan have a new love interest?

Ted: This is the first time I get to really talk about Ted and I can I just say that I think he’s cute. No? Alrighty, well he waltzes into the new SCDP-CGC offices (what are they calling this company now anyways?) looking forward to starting a new but is instantly hit in the face with how little SCDP’s creatives know about the products they are creating ads for.

It doesn’t help that Don is welcoming him by getting him plastered at work. His friend Ted Gleason is now in the hospital battling cancer, but he gives him some sage advice about Don, who even he seems fascinated by. Just give in to him, even if that means getting drunk on the job. Later he and Don go to see the people at Mohawk airlines with Ted flying their very small plane. I feel like Ted is ready for a bromance to spark off between them, but maybe he should keep his distance because Ted can’t hold his liquor.

Pete: He doesn’t adjust to change, at least not when he has nothing to do with it. At a meeting where Bert officially welcomes the new partners, he doesn’t have a seat. Ken is out, so he has to go complain to Harry who has been demoted to a smaller office as Peggy has taken his. He gets a call that his mother is at his apartment, when he arrives his brother refuses to take her back home. His mother is suffering from dementia, and Pete is trying his hardest to deal with it. He gets another call at work that there has been a fire, started by her leaving a tea kettle on the stove. Because of this he misses the meeting with Mohawk Airlines and gets shown again that he isn’t as important as he thinks he is, or perhaps should be, at SCDP. Now that there are new guys at the company, there will be even less for him to do but he’ll just have to grin and bear it.

Joan: More employees, more work to do. Joan is handling the new merger well until she starts to get some sharp pains in her side. Bob Benson finds her in her office, sweating and heaving into a trash can. He offers to show her out and then takes her to a local hospital where he helps her get the urgent care she needs. Bob might be the most kiss-assiest person to have ever existed on television, but he’s nice and well meaning. The next day he drops by her apartment to make sure she’s ok and to deliver a football for her son Kevin. Joan’s mom looked like she was ready to pounce on him herself, but Joan tells her that Bob is too young. Or is he? While discussing employee cuts, Bob is on the chopping block for a minute until Pete and Joan mention how much of an asset he is, especially since he’s been working on Ken’s accounts. Pete saved him because Bob is so eager to please and is pretty much his personal assistant, but why did Joan keep him from being fired? She knows he’s a good buy with a reputation for being a brown-noser, but things could be heating up between them, or maybe she knows better than to get involved with another man with whom she works.

Don: Uuuuuggggghhhhh. While things are changing around him, Don remains the same. That’s been his m.o. since this damn show started but it’s getting pretty tired now. His only concern during the merger is his suddenly disappeared secretary, and where the hell was Dawn anyways?! Instead of going over a big account for Fleischmann’s Margarine with Ted, Peggy and the creatives, he sneaks away to a hotel with Sylvia. So they have sex and continue to be gross and he leaves her there to play games all day.

Don then shows up to the margarine meeting 40 minutes late, angering Ted but he makes it up to him by getting him drunk. Throughout the day he sends Sylvia a dress, makes her wait three hours for him, and then makes her strip so they can have sex all over again. It was like 50 Shades of Don, [Ed. Note: Cut to DivaJulia snort-choke-laughing at that one. Oh, Brittani!!] only even less sexy and like 10 times more boring. When he returns from his trip to see the Mohawk people, she Sylvia tells him that’s its over and that they should go home. She mentions a dream she had, where he died in a plane crash and comforted Megan at his funeral. Speaking of Megan or her husband are total boner-killers for him so it’s best that ended when it did. Sylvia didn’t seem like the best playmate for Don’s little games, she was hesitant and unsure and I think a bit freaked out. So he reluctantly goes home to Megan and her yammering, practically on the verge of tears because he has to deal with his wife now. Oh for the love of GOD.

The episode ended with Megan crying on the bed while watching tv coverage of the assassination of Bobby Kennedy. Don appeared unmoved by the whole thing. Was Robert Kennedy’s death supposed to symbolize the death of Don’s independence? Peggy told him to “move forward” in regards to his drinking on the job and the way he deals with Ted. He needs to move forward period. How long did he think his affair with Sylvia was going to last anyways? Don, she lives in your building! At least stop being lazy and get a girlfriend whose mailbox isn’t next to yours.

Times they are a-changing, but not really for the best.

Gwyneth Paltrow Named ‘World’s Most Beautiful Woman’ By People Magazine

 

Oddly enough, this is the issue we found in our P.O Boxes!

 

Apparently People magazine is running out of stars to bestow this “honor” to. You see, Gwyneth Paltrow has a new movie coming out, ‘Iron Man 3′ which is why she’s been bombarding us with her off-putting personality more than usual, and the only other reason why the mag thought she would be a good candidate for this. Naturally, the other stars featured in this are more worthy of the title, but don’t have publicists working overtime to quench their client’s thirst.

She doesn’t even try in her interview, spewing the same crap actresses say when they want to be relatable , but this is Goop Poop so she really believes this stuff.

Around the house, I’m in jeans and a T-shirt. I don’t really wear makeup.”  As for her husband, Chris Martin, “He’ll make a joke about it. If I’ve gotten fully dressed up, he’ll be like, ‘Oh, wow! You’re Gwyneth Paltrow!’ Because he’s used to seeing me in like baggy shorts and frizzy hair.” I’m sure, she also threw in this gem about landing the cover, “It’s a very iconic cover in American culture, so it’s just amazing. And I think people feel really happy for you when you say you’re going to be in the issue.”

There’s been much talk about her dietary habits, but I think the real way she stays so thin and “healthy looking” is that her head is stuck so far up her own ass it keeps her from eating. [Cut to DivaJulia laugh-choke-spit-taking sparkling water all over her laptop screen. Not. Even. Kidding.]  Also featured in the ‘World’s Most Beautiful’ issue are Kerry Washington, singer Pink and legendary actress Jane Fonda.

The issue hits newsstands on Friday, but you probably won’t be buying it.