Tag Archives: BDSM

It’s All Good – Sexual Fantasies: A Playground for Your Pleasure

 

BLINDFOLD

 

For my second column I was going to start delving into specific topics but then this article passed through my social media feed, “When It Comes to Sexual Fantasies, What’s Normal?”

 

Hmmm…normal, really, that’s the word we want to use there?

 

Since this touches on a number of topics I may cover as we go, I decided to address this right up front. So what is “normal” when it comes to sexual fantasies?

 

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Anything. Seriously, anything. I said everything was okay as long as you were comfortable with it, right? Well, in fantasy you can go even further and play with things you may well not be comfortable with in real life. Which is the important thing to focus on in this study, no matter how poorly worded it is. If you think the things that get you aroused are odd or weird or perverse, you just need to remember you’re not the only one who likes them; just because you like to watch things or read things that seem out of the ordinary, it doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you.

 

Fantasy is a safe zone. It can take you away to a different place where you feel safer and bolder than you are in real life. It can let you investigate things that intrigue you but that you would find too intimidating to try. Fantasies of dominance, submission, bondage and discipline are far more common than you think. It may mean this is something that speaks to a deeper part of you, but that part may be well served by reading a hot erotic novel or some fanfic and then letting your partner reap the benefits of your fantasies without ever having to indulge them.

 

blindfold seat

 

It may also be a way to dip your toe in the water of something that secretly excites you but scares the living hell out of you too. A way of pushing your own boundaries safely, without external pressures. If there is one thing I keep coming back to it’s that your sexuality should always be under your control, even if you’re relinquishing it by choice.

 

So if sex is how adults play, fantasy is the indoor playground you visit on rainy days. A place to try something different on for size. You may find you like it or you may find you hate it, but because it’s all within the realm of your own mind, there is never any harm done.

 

So go play, it’s good for you.

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Sneak Peek: Lisa Ling’s ‘Our America – Shades of Kink’ (Slightly NSFW) Airing Tuesday – Set Your DVRs

 

Lisa Ling, observing a BDSM “scene”.

 

Finally.  Leave it to Lisa Ling (whom I love) to reveal what the real BDSM lifestyle is all about–as opposed to the watered-down and very poorly imagined (and horribly written’50 Shades of Illiteracy Stupid Oh MY! Grey’ for next week’s Shades of Kink on Our American With Lisa Ling on the OWN network.

via OWN:

Lisa Ling goes beyond the best-selling fantasy novel, Fifty Shades of Grey, to explore the real world of BDSM: bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sado-masochism. What she finds is a kinky truth far more complicated than fiction.

Watch the first 5 minutes of the season premiere before its television debut, then, tune in for the premiere of Our America with Lisa Ling on Tuesday, January 22nd at 10/9c, only on OWN.

 We have a five minute preview of Tuesday night’s airing:

 

So what I really wanna know is…what do YOU guys think?  Did you like the soft, gooey 50 Shades… or do you prefer the real-life version of this practice?  OR, do you think this whole thing is NARST?  Will you watch Lisa Ling’s expose`?

Feel free to spill a story or two in the comments.  I won’t tell.