Did I mention that last June, I attempted to read the gawd-awfully written 50 Shades of Grey? No? I didn’t think so. It’s too embarrassing, but now I can just look back on the grueling task with my own special air of haughty disdain. For reals, though. I couldn’t finish it. I tried. I drank liquor out by the pool in Sun Valley with a dear girlfriend of mine…even that didn’t help. I promptly switched over to Chuck Palahniuk’s Invisible Monsters. (Have I regained your much-coveted approval yet? I cannot survive without it, you know.) Read it. Now.
ANYshame. Please, for the love of well, DAVID SEDARIS, watch this clip. You’ll need to be at home or put your headphones on, because it is indeed Not Safe For Work due to some graphic language (read: so cringe-worthy you will turn 50 Shades of Crimson).
Remember that this was on DUTCH TELEVISION, you guys. I hear-tell these folks don’t embarrass easily with regard to ess eee exx, but look how completely mortified the audience members are while hearing the brilliant Mr. Sedaris “realistically” read this crap…in his hilarious, normal voice. I’m dead. Totally dead.
As a palate cleanser, let’s listen (keyword) to David and his equally hilarious sister, Amy Sedaris tell a story about their brother, Rooster. Keep your headphones on for this. Just a friendly heads up.
Can’t kill The Rooster.