Who would have thought that the two chicks who irritate me The. Most. would be on-screen together? Paltrow and Lea Michele all at one time. Crammed into one hour and crammed into my left eye for a good dose of smug. OhdearLORD, I’m so happy I have MARIA to write about Glee for me, because I just can’t.
I’ll wait while you gather up your tuna on white with mayo, a TAB soda and a twinkie (thank you Navin Johnson), then you can watch Smugyth Blandtrow–I’m copywriting that moniker, so don’t EVEN.
Just because I find Tom Ford to be one of the hottest pieces of ass on the planet doesn’t mean I don’t think he’s a GD bitch. How could he not be? Just look at him.
As you know, Tom, whom we refer to as Hot Ass for this piece (see what I did there? Clevv-err), brought Gucci back to life in the 90’s has a big ol’ fancy men’s store in Manhattan. Apparently, the door was big enough to let billionaire and Italian businessman, Jean Pigozzi in–and then back out with a swift kick and a “you’re too fat” sign taped to his back autographed by none other than Hot Ass. Nice. Hot Ass is also a Dumb Ass.
via Vanity Fair:
[Jean Pigozzi] told him: ‘Tom, I went to your shop. I couldn’t buy a handkerchief.
‘Tom said, “You know why? I don’t want big fat guys like you in my shop” … But I think he’s making a mistake because big guys like me have the money.’
Oh. Gurrrl. No (s)he ditn’t. Right in front of his back. I had no idea Hot (Dumb) Ass was auditioning for The A-List: New York on LOGO with that kind of queenie bitchiness, but apparently (s)he is every bit as judgey, snippy and see you next Tuesday-ish as Austin, Derek and Reichen on that hot-mess of a gayfest reality show.
(Sidebar: I’m still trying to decide whether or not to even discuss this mess of a reality (as bloody IF) show, because, as my BFF Patrick says, “This has put homosexuals back a good 30 years! But it’s my new favorite show!!” Hey, Patrick? You’re not helping with my decision.)
Okay, back to the Hot Dumbass, Tom Ford. My husband and I were watching Cougar Town last night–which I do have to thank Patrick for, because I didn’t give it a chance at first, as I hated the title alone, but it IS pretty funny–we noticed how handsome Ian Gomez was in that gorgeous black suit. He showed up all “Kaiser Soze-ish” with a limp that mysteriously disappeared to Jules’ (Courteney Cox) birthday looking every bit the Leading Man-Type. Dude looked sek-saaay. He’s also one of the funniest characters on the show, and that goes a long way, too–but daaaaayum. He cute, y’all.
My POINT IS: Tom Ford? Get that stick, or whatever it is, outta your ass and treat everyone with respect and stop being such a bitch. I like you a little bit less today, you Hot Dumbass. Get it together.
Hey, isn’t THIS bullying??? I betcha Anderson Cooper won’t do “piece” on this sitch, even though he’s now the go-to dude for bullying stories. Hmmph. Who’s gonna stand up for the chubby billionaires who want nice clothing?
I’m losing my grip with Glee already, mainly because of Lea Michele (aka I Loathe Lea Michele). Sniff sniff. I smell lighter fluid. Oh. That’s just my hair catching fire again.
Effing PALTROW (aka I Loathe Paltrow) will be making an appearance on Glee and will be “performing” [HOARK HOARK] Cee Lo Green’s single, F*ck You, because you know, this bitch is KNOWN for her sense of humor and singing abilities. If one of you tries to throw her new cuntry (misspelled, and I don’t care) film where she sings or worse yet, that Huey Lewis fiasco from days of yore, I’ll block your ass. So don’t EVEN. Some things are NON-NEGOTIABLE up on this blog, and defending Paltrow is one of them. Actually, it’s number-bloody-ONE.
I never saw this crap movie with Huey Lewis, but is Paltrow supposed to be his DAUGHTER? Because this song is ALL KINDS OF CREEPY then.