*New Column Alert!
I want to open this, my first sex column, by saying that when I say this is a “geek girl’s guide to love and sex” that’s only because I am a geek girl and I am writing it from my point of view. I would trust that many non-geek women would share many of the same hopes, fears and hungers as I do, so don’t feel excluded by the title. What do I want to talk about? Well, everything, of course. Mostly I just want to say that whatever you like, whatever you’re into, whatever gets you off, it’s OK. Seriously. Women aren’t really taught that.
Pleasure is a lovely thing. We should all enjoy ourselves as much as possible and sex, that’s a perfectly wonderful way to enjoy oneself or others, as the case may be. Here’s where it gets tricky though. No one but you can tell you what gives you pleasure. Got that? We have been told numerous things over the centuries. Like, if you don’t have enough sexual release, your uterus will wander, distraught through you body, driving you nuts. Yes ladies, that is what the definition of hysteria is. Or women were told sex was something they would have to suffer through as one of their wifely duties, “lay back and think of England” and all that. Then we have the Madonna-whore complex thing. Only whores enjoy sex, ladies do not.
I call bullshit.
Sex can be dirty and nasty, it can hurt in all the right ways, or it can be a gentle and beautiful joining in love. It can involve toys, by yourself, with your lover or with a group. Whatever floats your boat. If you enjoy it, then it’s OK. On the flip side, if you don’t enjoy it, DON’T FUCKING LET ANYONE MAKE YOU DO IT! “No” means “no” and you should use it whenever you need to. You don’t owe anyone anything. Not your spouse, your lover, your boyfriend/girlfriend, or your date. It’s your body, your pleasure. Own it, protect it, flaunt it but mostly know it. Embrace your pleasure. Find the things that intrigue or titilate you. Explore. Find a lover who will help you explore. Who gives you a safe place to experiment. Remember that sex is adult play and play is important for our mental health. So find someone you can play with, freely, safely, and without judgement.
That’s what this column will be about. I’ll talk about things nice girls don’t talk about. Not because they shouldn’t but because they’ve been told it’s wrong. There is nothing wrong in sex, nothing, as long as you enjoy it. If I impart nothing else I hope I impart that simple fact. When it comes to sex, it’s all good.