Category Archives: TrainWRECK!

‘Fifty Shades Of Grey’ Trailer…Ugh.

 

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It’s the moment we’ve all been waiting for! Or, you know, not. The first official trailer for the clusterfuck that will be ‘Fifty Shades Of Grey’ (aka ‘Fifty Shades Of IDK How To Write Decent BDSM Erotica So I’m Going To Steal Someone Else’s Idea And Write A Crap Version Of It’) – starring Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson – dropped earlier this morning. Woo. If you’re completely unaware of what my alternate title for the book/movie means, allow me to enlighten you.

*cracks the spine of an imaginary storybook* Like a lot of things in fandom these days, this all has to do with fanfiction. Back when FanFiction.net was the only place for central fiction posting, before the site shot themselves in the foot w/the banning of NC-17 fic, anything based on ‘Twilight’ was all the rage. In fact, the only reason I even got into the hot mess that is Twi is because the caliber of fic coming from that fandom was A+. Writers were taking these base, 2D characters and giving them genuine depth, creating worlds so involving that they disgraced the source material.

 

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Tara Sue Me (pen name) wrote the incredible Submissive trilogy, containing ‘The Submissive’‘The Dominant’, and ‘The Training’, excellent titles giving a beautiful view of a true BDSM relationship. Then E.L. James decided to hijack the idea AFTER Tara’s writing got popular, wrote a pathetic version of it that was fairly abusive, and “pulled to publish” before anyone could blink.

It’s amazing to look back and realize that the thievery drama a bunch of us witnessed in real time apparently means diddly squat because a) 99% of the public is clueless about it, and b) the rest don’t give a shit since it’s fanfic which means it’s stolen anyway, right? Wrong. But that’s…a discussion for another time. I’m just trying to let y’all know the real deal and explain why, any time ‘Fifty Shades Of Go Fuck Yourself’ comes up in conversation, my ire is courted. Also, I sigh. A lot.

 

SIGH

 

FYI, Tara Sue Me eventually pulled to publish as well though, of course, she’s now considered to be riding the coattails of James’ ‘Fifty’ fame. As stated in the headline, “UGHHHHHHHHH”. People, people, please. Consider this your wake-up call and READ BETTER WRITTEN EROTICA. If you’ve read ‘Fifty Shades Of Are You Kidding Me’, please read Tara’s Submissive trilogy and experience the difference. And don’t ever fall for thinking that the person who’s doing it loudest did it first or better.

That all being said? Trailer time! Here’s to hoping the film improves upon James’ series because the trailer doesn’t look half bad. Or maybe I’m just being lulled by the Beyonce track? *shrug*  Drool over Jamie Dornan as it’s the least you can do. All the drama aside, I’m likely going to end up seeing this film. Drunk and judgmental, yes, but seeing it all the same. Whether I’ll be paying for it is up for debate.

‘Fifty Shades Of Grey’ is slated for release on Valentine’s Day, 2015. 

Madonna Posts Instagram Bondage and Boobs Selfie

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Naturally, Madonna,55, thought she could wear strips of dirty sheets to the Met Gala, but “MOM SAID ‘NO’!” Either that, or she just wanted to show her tits on Instagram, knowing it would go viral (ew). Here’s her tweet from yesterday:

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Listen, I’m the first one to say Madonna has a great rack. (Okay, maybe not the first.) No one…and I mean, NO ONE would’ve assumed she was making a political statement by wearing some sort of bondage-wraps. Yeah, she’s so serious about the horrendous state of women and girls in today’s world, that all the attention would have been on her boobs. THAT’S dedication, my friends. Either that, or Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Kanye West Debuts Music Video For ‘Bound2’, Kim Kardashian In Tow

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Hmm. So this is going to be a brief “first impressions” type of thing because my mind is honestly…boggled. In case you missed it, Kanye West‘s new video for ‘Bound2’ dropped yesterday and, whaddaya know, it stars his baby mama come fiance, Kim Kardashian. But that’s neither here nor there. Mazel Tov to them both, to be honest! My issue is “wtf did I just watch?”

The song itself is, to me, below what Kanye is usually capable of. I get the point he’s trying to make with the lyrics (being over playing the field) just fine. The different melodies in this particular song happen to clash rather badly though, instead of complimenting/doing justice to each other. I had to wince more than once and, yeah, no me gusta. I couldn’t groove or get into any sort of mood at all while listening to ‘Bound2’; all I wanted was to turn it off!

The video? Listen, let’s just call it out for what it is, which is utterly ridiculous. And I don’t mean in the that-was-so-ridiculous-that-I-need-to-watch-it-on-loop way. No, the video is actually awful. Not the whole simulated nookie on a motorcycle because, hey, who doesn’t enjoy that? My issue is that, for a man as creative as Kanye, ‘Bound2’ is one of the least inspired things I’ve ever seen. It’s just him and a very naked Kim rubbing all over each other, awkwardly, as he stoically pretends to ride off into the proverbial sunset. “Awkward” being the operative word. Maybe they fail at successfully recreating their passionate moments for the camera? Whatever. All I know is that, instead of titillating me, this music video made me cringe on both a literal and figurative level.

Ugh.