Category Archives: Those Two Again

Seal Says Heidi Klum Likes to ‘Fornicate With The Help’

Heidi working out with The Bodyguard

There is no bloody way (if I have anything to do with it!) that alla y’all won’t think about that very phrase when hearing Heidi-Fornicate-With-The-Help-Klum’s name from now on.  It’s proper and poetic, really. Seal was questioned about his relationship/divorce with the model/Project Runway-snip, and gave a groove-filled remix of a years-old standard:

Seal Explains It All…

via TMZ:

“Look, boys, this is what happens when two people separate, they move on and that generally means there’s new people in their lives. I don’t expect Heidi to all of a sudden become a nun. But as always, my main priority is the emotional of our children and to be quite honest if there’s going to be somebody in their lives I’d much rather it be a familiar face. The only thing I would’ve preferred is if…um… I didn’t expect any better from him, I would’ve thought Heidi would’ve shown a little bit more class and at least waited until we separated first before deciding to fornicate with the help.”

Yikes. That is one long finger.


All I know is that Seal is reported to have a nasty temper, but come ON.  Y’all can’t tell me Das Klum isn’t a fiery, schreckliche Frau herself.  I’m sure that was part of the dysfunction that inclined these two to renew their wedding vows every single year. Everyyear? That should’ve been a sign right there.

In all seriousness, though.  It’s not cool to talk crap about your kids’ mom like that.  Seal will learn the hard way on that one.


Katy Perry and Russell Brand Appear To Be Insane

Wait. Is that

Photo via Interview Magazine

Every chick who appears on the cover of Interview Magazine winds up looking like Lindsay Lohan.  Even Madonna looks like LL tries to look.  Wait, what? Actually, Katy Perry doesn’t look insane here, she just looks like, oh Lord–I’m repeating myself.  One good thing? She doesn’t look like Smurfette.  I don’t think grown-ass women should have blue hair, but that’s just me.


Katy’s ex-husband, Russell Brand is obviously a complete nut. A naughty, philandering, jheri-curled nut.  The worst thing with this outfit to me would be the white sandals. I’m pretty sure they are women’s sandals (not that there’s anything wrong with that), but–there IS something wrong with it.  They are all cushioned and so pristine.  I don’t find that in any way sexy.  Generally, I wish men would keep their toes to themselves.

What the GOT-damnhell is Russell wearing, anyway? A knit hat, saggy-crotched white wrap-shorts, brown legwarmers and a Jesus tablecloth worn as a cape.

And he has the nerve to look at us like that.

Demi Moore Splits From That Douchebag Kutcher

Details Magazine NAILED the arse-kicking....

Demi Moore just dropped 180 pounds of dumbass. Moore told the Associated Press that she had made the decision to end her marriage to Ashton Kutcher on Thursday. Moore, 49, and Kutcher, 33, were wed back in 2005 but recent reports of Kutcher’s alleged infidelity put a strain on the couple’s relationship.

The effects on Demi's body, thanks to the humiliation of a douche named Kutcher.

“It is with great sadness and a heavy heart that I have decided to end my six-year marriage to Ashton. As a woman, a mother and a wife there are certain values and vows that I hold sacred, and it is in this spirit that I have chosen to move forward with my life. This is a trying time for me and my family, and so I would ask for the same compassion and privacy that you would give to anyone going through a similar situation,” she said in her statement.

Ashton tweeted Thursday:


 “I will forever cherish the time I spent with Demi. Marriage is one of the most difficult things in the world and unfortunately sometimes they fail.”

Wait, I thought he had someone taking over his Twitter for him? That statement sounds contrived…and phoned in from the hot tub full of blondes.

Anyway, as someone put it, “a cougar was set loose yesterday.

Hey, Demi? We. Gotcho. Back.