Category Archives: Nast

CBS Standards and Practices Do Not Want To See Your Bits and Pieces, Ladies

JLo, Lady Gaga and Toni Braxton

Jeez.  Simmer down, CBS. What year is this, anyway?

Check out the missile (old-timey words are in order) sent out to The Grammy Awards attendees from the Butt Cheek and Side Boob Malitia:

CBS Program Practices advises that all talent appearing on camera please adhere to Network policy concerning wardrobe.

Please be sure that buttocks and female breasts are adequately covered. Thong type costumes are problematic. Please avoid exposing bare fleshy under curves of the buttocks and buttock crack. Bare sides or under curvature of the breasts is also problematic. Please avoid sheer see-through clothing that could  possibly expose female breast nipples. Please be sure the genital region is adequately covered so that there is no visible “puffy” bare skin exposure. Please avoid commercial identification of actual brand name products on T-shirts. Foreign language on wardrobe will need to be cleared. OBSCENITY OR PARTIALLY SEEN OBSCENITY ON WARDROBE IS UNACCEPTABLE FOR BROADCAST. This as well, pertains to audience members that appear on camera. Finally, The Network requests that any organized cause visibly spelled out on talent’s wardrobe be avoided. This would include lapel pins or any other form of accessory.

I’m cringing at the word “puffy“. Ew. Why not just use the equally gross term “camel toe”? Also? Where are the references to the male peen bulge (See: Jon Hamm-Roll)?  I’m finding this entire statement by CBS incredibly sexist.

Oh, HEY Bruno.

I love Bruno Mars…a LOT.  I just think that if we’re headed back to the days of Elvis on The Ed Sullivan Show, it should be IN WRITING for everyone. MEN, included!



Lindsay Lohan Update – Failed Intervention By Dad Michael, Called Out By Bret Easton Ellis For Being a No-Show to Work, Horrible Trailer for ‘The Canyons’

Anything for a buck, huh Linds?


We’re just gonna go ahead and kill ALL the birds with one stone today, okay?

Lindsay Lohan never fails to disappoint in terms of her hot-messiness, does she? Today we have TMZ reporting that her icky dad, Michael Lohan needed to get his name all over the internet again tried to stage an intervention for his daughter due to the fact that he thinks she might just have a substance abuse problem (whaaaa?) and she failed to show up to do dialogue-dubbing for her new film (I choked on that one) The Canyons.

via TMZ:

“Cops just showed up at Lindsay Lohan’s Beverly Hills home after Michael Lohan and others tried to stage an intervention to get Lindsay Lohan into treatment … TMZ has learned.

Michael Lohan and several others showed up at Lindsay’s house Friday afternoon … believing she has fallen off the wagon … and they believe that’s why she has become a no-show for post-production work on her upcoming movie, “The Canyons.”

Michael tells TMZ … Lindsay’s entire team is on board with the intervention, though we cannot confirm that.

We’re told Lindsay was at the house when Michael and team arrived, but someone claiming to be her boyfriend shooed them away.  The “boyfriend” told TMZ Lindsay was inside and any problems Lindsay has will not be solved by her father. 

Someone called the cops to report a trespassing call.  Cops are currently on scene.”

via Bret Easton Ellis Twitter
By the way, this straight-to-dvd mess is directed by American Gigolo director, Paul Schrader and written by American Psycho author, Bret Easton Ellis.  We’ve got the try-hard trailer below, just hold on.



Regarding Lindsay’s no-show to work, I can just hear that ciggie-stained voice honking about how “Liz and Marilyn did the SAME THING!! I’m an ICON!”  Lord, she’s delusional.

Christina Aguilera ‘Your Body’ Video Premiere – Or ‘Rode Hard Put Away Wet’. Whichever.

Oh boy. Here we go.

I have questions. LOTS of questions.

Firstly? Where’s the Cee Lo look alike? Clearly we have a not-so-subtle dig at Christina’s sidekicks, Adam and Blake in the video–she wants to f*ck them the kill them afterward. Ya don’t say?

Secondly? Where are the ciggie butts and coffee can ashtrays?  If Xtina is gonna “play” (ahem) true white trash, I should be able to smell more than burnt spandex and stripper glitter perfume from Victoria’s Secret. (Google it, people.)  And yes.  I can smell it.


Take a deep breath…tell me what you smell while watching Xtina dip herself in $2 ELF facepaint and VS Love Spell Forbidden p*ssy spray. (That’s what the strippers call it, and I’m no one to argue with them gals.)

The outdoor tanning bed; the obviously built on the lot trailer park, the baseball bat, the blue blood, the PINK gagginess of everything.  I need a shot of insulin. And penicillin.

Bottom line?  Sucky song.  No great hooks, just shouting.  Far too many close-ups of too-much-fard.