Category Archives: DORKS

Workaholics Recap, Fourth and Inches

 

Ders falls back into his old gambling habits. Blake is out to prove that he doesn’t have a shrimpdick, and Adam is….well he’s just Adam.  Sounds like another great episode of ‘Workaholics!’

At a local high school football game, the guys realize that hold habits die hard and even when some things are hard, they aren’t that big. Jillian introduces them to Billy, played by ‘Teen Wolf”s Tyler Posey, whom you may or may not be already obsessed with, who is everything that they guys never got to be in high school, and aren’t now.

They also run into the douchey kid who took over their house and threw a party back in season 2, now a bookie taking bets on all of the school’s sports games. Ders can’t help himself and places a couple of bets, ending up losing all his money again, but he hatches a plan to make sure they win money on the big game by getting Billy drunk. Because that’s exactly what you do to an under-aged kid.

Meanwhile, Blake’s tiny peen has gone viral, with a Facebook page being created after he used a short stall at the school’s bathroom. On top of that, Billy reminds him and the guys that they’re losers for not knowing any other girls but Jillian. At the game, he’s humiliated by one of the cheerleaders who makes up a whole cheer about his penis, so he streaks down the field with a jumbo corndog between his legs to prove that he does have a big wiener. I don’t know how that worked, and frankly it looked a little painful, but seeing Blake’s butt more than made up for it.

Adam takes to the field to play for Billy to try to make Ders’ bet work out in his favor, but that plan fails when the real Billy shows up. Needless to say, the douchey kid won again.

So this was another solid episode of ‘Workaholics’ where the guys learned once again that it’s good to leave well enough alone, and teenagers really suck.

Lindsay Lohan Turns Down $550K To Do ‘Dancing With The Stars’

Really, Lindsay?

 

Shocking absolutely no one, Lindsay Lohan has made another horrible career choice.

TMZ reported this morning that La Lohan has made the decision to turn down an offer to appear on next season of  ‘Dancing With the Stars’ solely because she doesn’t want to do reality TV.  (She WILL take $250K worth of furniture from the Bravo network’s Million Dollar Decorators, though.)  That doesn’t COUNT, you guys!!”

That’s good, Linds. Everything else is in shambles, but above all else, gotta keep those standards intact. 

The actress reportedly turned down multiple offers to be a contestant; making up to $550k, which is up to five times what most DWTS contestants make. And definitely a good place to start paying off all that debt, no? 

“Dancing With the Dorks” – Bristol Palin and Mark Balas

It’s no secret that appearing on Dancing with the Stars has launched comebacks for countless C-list “celebrities” that society has practically forgotten before they reappeared on prime time television screens, decked out in ridiculous sparkling outfits, collectively impressing us with ballroom dancing skills that nobody ever knew they had. Or, in some cases, that they absolutely do not have. Which, let’s be real… is even better.  

In offering up such a payout just to get Lilo to sign on, DWTS producers seem blithely aware of the ratings spike they would achieve from the amount of viewers that would tune in solely to see Lohan on live television, waiting for her to prove all her naysayers right and fall on her face in a drunken haze. 

Chances are, Lindsay is quite aware, as well. The actress recently told friends that she would never consider reality television, and that she wants to stick solely to films. 

Okay girl, let us know how that works out for you.

GQ’s LEAST Influential People Of The Year – Brittani’s Thoughts

 

Post Halloween, I don’t really care for the holidays and all the supposed cheer it brings. I especially loathe all of the year end lists, but GQ put together one that I think we can all appreciate.

The magazine states that the list isa collection of people so uninspiring that we should round them all up and stick them on an iceberg. Please note that these folks are ranked in no particular order, because all zeros are created equal.”

Even though the 25 people on it aren’t ranked, Mitt Romney is the first person to pop up.The only successful thing he did this year was embody every black stand-up comedian’s impression of a white person.”  Truer words have never been spoken.

 

 

My former “boyfriend”, and thankfully for Diva Julia it was a very short crush, Ryan Lochte may have abs of steel but he has a brain made out of brick.  They described him as “the U.S. swimmer who managed to increase the Ashton Kutcher-ness of the London Games by 80 percent.”

 

 

You know, I actually like ‘Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives,’ but the worst part of it has always been Guy Fieri‘s stupid catchphrases (“Duhhh…I’d eat that Velveeta cheese sauce off a FLIP-FLOP! HARRR HARRR HARRR!”), backwards sunglasses, dumb spiky peroxided hair and well, flip-flops in other people’s kitchens. His latest venture, Guy’s American Kitchen and Bar, was mercilessly skewered by a New York Times food critic which promoted way too many people to jump to his defense.

 

Even though he won an Academy Award for writing ‘The Social Network,’ Aaron Sorkin‘s dialogue has always left me exhausted and annoyed. He has another successful show under his belt with ‘Newsroom,’ GQ perfectly puts it, Watching an Aaron Sorkin show is like someone force-reading you the Huffington Post.”

 

Also making the list are First Lady Michelle Obama (who really doesn’t belong on this list–God forbid she get your fat kids to exercise)Madonna, wearing her cheerleader uniform, new Laker, Dwight HowardAmanda Bynes and George Zimmerman. 

Check out the rest of the list here!