Category Archives: Bitchslap Alert

Beyonce, Jay Z And Solange Release Statement


Well THAT’S boring as hell. The BeylongeZ Situation has released a statement to the Associated Press regarding the elevator slap-fight video.


“As a result of the public release of the elevator security footage from Monday, May 5th, there has been a great deal of speculation about what triggered the unfortunate incident. But the most important thing is that our family has worked through it,” an exclusive statement to The Associated Press said Thursday. “Jay and Solange each assume their share of responsibility for what has occurred. They both acknowledge their role in this private matter that has played out in the public. They both have apologized to each other and we have moved forward as a united family.”

It was reported that Jay Z took Solange “jewelry shopping” yesterday. The BeylongeZ Situation also pulled the “at the end of the day” crap…

“The reports of Solange being intoxicated or displaying erratic behavior throughout that evening are simply false. At the end of the day families have problems and we’re no different. We love each other and above all we are family. We’ve put this behind us and hope everyone else will do the same.”

At the end of the day, my ass.  This family has a thing or two to learn about families and their problems. (Don’t make me use the “99 Problems But A Bitch Ain’t One” line. It’s tired and overused. Oh, who am I kidding? I love it.) In all seriousness, though, The BeylongeZ Situation must realize that a freeze-out is in order. After the nasty words are spewed (usually without a physical attack), the parties involved merely pretend the other has been vaporized. They are now INVISIBLE. Then you come down with a migraine to avoid any contact. What’s so hard about that? Soon enough, the headache goes away and it’s as if that person never existed.

Not that I would know one goddamn thing about that kind of passive-aggressive behavior. But I swear to God, if she saysare you sure you’re gonna keep that food DOWN? at a family function one more time…because I’m NOT bulimic! I just wanted her to stop clicking her fingernails on the fucking wineglass and she says THAT to me?? Oh, HELL no.

Oh. Sorry.

So yeah. BeylongeZ Situation is being handled.